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Is it better to let myself reach rock bottom?

Posted 3rd April 2013 at 17:13 by Matt_1983

Im considering the idea of giving up and letting my social anxiety and depression overwhelm and drag me down until I reach rock bottom. Perhaps that's the only way im ever going to find the motivation to really make changes in my life.

For the last year or so I have felt myself slowly getting worse in terms of my general happiness. Im not where I want to be in life, ive gradually let my social anxiety get the better of me and have hidden myself away more and more. I somehow have managed to keep working as a postman and that's what keeps me going really. Without my job I don't know where I would be. I also regularly go for runs, and I do force myself out to the pub every now and then with the one or two friends I have.

But all these things; work, the running and the nights out, all just feel like "band aids" to stop me slipping further into depression and isolation. On my days off from work I often spend the day alone in my flat, blinds drawn and hidden away. The fact I know I have work to go back to, a reason to get up the next day, is what keeps me from going insane. Likewise, if Im ever at home and feel the depression starting to get too much, I force myself out for a run which then totally changes my mood and leaves me on a massive high, all be it for a couple of hours or so.

I have problems with what I eat. I often binge and comfort eat. Ive tried to stop but its now become such a habbit that its so hard to not do it. I always regret it afterwards, and often go for a run to make myself feel better later that day.

I avoid going into town unless I really, really need to. I more or less always feel anxious in town and im just so fed up of it. Why put myself in that situation if all im going to feel is anxiety? But I know that ill feel worse locking myself away in my flat and not pushing myself and facing those fears. Ive slowly allowed myself to retreat away from the world more than I should have done, and I don't like where I am now.

I don't know where to go next. How can I find my happiness in life? Is it possible to overcome this social anxiety or have I got to just learn to live with it? Am I doing the right thing by trying to tread water and desperately keep myself afloat? Would it be best to let myself go and give in? Maybe quit my job and just sink until theres no lower to go? See who rescues me and what help will be offered? Perhaps the best way to get better is to first get much worse.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Have you ever tried to get help with your feelings? If you haven't then I think it would be a good idea for you. I can really relate to the life you describe and have a problem with binge eating myself - there is help out there. Good Luck!
    Posted 3rd April 2013 at 17:29 by Sunshiny Day Sunshiny Day is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Skitz's Avatar
    Have you tried anti depressants? I'm taking Sertraline which is for Anxiety and Depression. I have felt so much better recently since taking them and have felt like going out more, don't worry as much when I'm out and about. Also having head phones on helps when I'm in town.. I haven't been on here as much as I used to as I have been keeping busy but didn't before.. I know what you are going through and it can feel like it will never go away but don't give up hope
    Posted 3rd April 2013 at 23:58 by Skitz Skitz is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Drimma's Avatar
    Intense blog - I've thought along those lines your talking about; throwing caution to the wind but I've imagined it a bit different.

    Your scenario would be more fitting say for an addict whose sinking deeper into the pits would sober them because of seeing how much they had lost from reality. With SA however you start already at a disadvantage loosing the little you have (you few friends) would only further cement your troubles; surely? If you give into fear it'll only ever get a stronger hold on you.
    I'd see it more as rather than letting myself sink, I'd jump in at the deep end and force my latent natural instinct to fight to survive kick in; I've long been resolved to the notion that "no one is coming to save us" . I'd re-frame it from "giving in" to "giving it a real go this time!"
    But I ain't had the balls for that yet.
    good luck tho
    Posted 5th April 2013 at 23:22 by Drimma Drimma is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Jackie34's Avatar
    Please, dont give up. Ive thought of doing this so many times, cant say im in the best of places now either but if i just gave up, shut the curtains and decided to wither away I know theres not many who would just come to my rescue, even if they did, they wouldnt say the right thing. You havent killed yourself so there must still be some fight left in you yet. I found a good quote the other day and keep it in my bag, might help you a little bit, i dont know but here it is:
    'As sure as the earth revolves around the sun and winter follows the spring, so must our life move in cycles. So there will always be easy times and there will be hard times, as sure as one season follows another. One of the great challenges of life is dealing with the winter whilst you are waiting for things to get better. Things will get better. They always do. The trouble is that many people give up and go home to early. The tide will always turn.'
    Posted 11th April 2013 at 13:23 by Jackie34 Jackie34 is offline
 

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