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Why did I take a ban

Posted 19th May 2018 at 09:28 by imperfect_perfectionist

So I took a ban from SAUK and Facebook recently.

Why?

Because I was ill and had just booked a private hospital appointment to deal with the blocked feeling of phlegm in my throat I had been dealing with on and off for two years. I decided to spend lots of money and go private cause last time I went to the GP's they brushed off the problem as just stress but the problem never went away. Plus it seemed like extra stress to convince a GP to refer me to an ENT specialist. So I got meds and Gaviscon and advised I eat small portions and stay away from junk food for the problem as the Private Doctor thought it was due to excess acid in my stomach. I do admit it is only recently I have eaten healthier I feel not knowing how to cook and my mum not cooking much led to me buying lots of fast food even if I convinced myself that I wasn't buying fast food.

On top of this I seem to have developed either a dust or hay fever allergy. At first I thought it was a dust allergy as it seemed that I coughed most at the night time, on the train when coming back from work and in my bedroom. But I am also curious as to whether it is hay fever since I didn't cough as much last night. But then I also cleaned my bedroom and got rid f clothes I don't wear and my curtains to minimise dust exposure. Probably something I need to check with the GP's.

This allergy almost sent me off the edge. I felt out of control, helpless and almost back to being very anxious and closed in. I don't know I feel like I overreacted, maybe I didn't but I could've handled the situation differently. It was embarrassing I was constantly coughing that it was noticeable and uncomfortable, especially travelling home from work on the train. I had thoughts such as "Why me?", "Why don't other have to try so hard to be happy?", "Why do normal things have to be so hard for me?"

I even decided to take time off work, maybe leave the workplace since I am with an agency, about to go permanent though. I said I was taking two weeks off, however I decided to call the manager today to say I am going back to work this Monday. I felt bad for saying I need the break and wonder if I burnt bridges, changed my perception to other colleagues as over-dramatic, weak etc. Infact, just taking the beginning of last week off due to feeling ill seemed to alter the perception of me to some colleagues, but oh well I guess perception is also abut the person perceiving. I feel I am uncomfortable with certain aspects of myself such as being a worrier or sensitive, taking things to heart etc.

I have researched on dust allergies and have concluded that I don't want to take antihistamines. The uncomfortable thing is that I know most people would argue I should take them but from my research I have read that the body becomes dependent on them an it doesn't get rid o the allergy. I have seen though that I can possibly cure this allergy through resetting my lymphatic system. Once again physical health is or can be affected by mental health. The reason for the dust allergy is that my immune system is seeing harmless dust mites as a threat. Also maybe, probably my lymphatic system is in need of repair, the part of the body that transports certain fluids, gets rid of toxins and harmful bacteria, however doesn't rely on the heart. I need to rest my body to its natural state, apparently or body isn't designedd to take constant stress, conflict etc. We are meant to experience joy, movement, connection to the earth. I would leave a link in this blog that explains much clearer, but I need to make my welbeing number one priority as it is probably affecting my immune system, as crazy as it sounds it's understandable.

I have followed advice on how to reset the lymphatic system and am following it. However, I feel I can't follow it 100%, because following everything requires so much dedication and seems expensive. For example, I am advised to go gluten and dairy free. It's easy to go dairy free as I have been doing that but gluten free as well that seems a bit too much. Also as it seems like anxiety is from trying to control too much stuff, I feel I can't follow the steps all at once as it would be counter intuitive, if that makes sense. I am however, definitely stretching, gonna try going outside more and actually touching the grass in the park, being more body pH conscious, make stretching and exercise a more daily routine.

After the last Friday I have decided that I am not allowing the allergy to run my life. I have already had anxiety run my life, the blocked throat (which maybe connects to the allergy) run my life so why allow this new thing to control my life if I can't make it disappear?

Right now I feel determined, idk why, but for me it feels great but also uncomfortable to feel determined. Maybe I am just overly anxious and serious. But is that really a bad thing when applied to the right things?

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