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I enjoy writing and am seeking to clarify my thoughts, feelings and internal process.
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Back to talking therapy?

Posted 26th June 2014 at 08:46 by Star Rainbow

Met with a potentially new therapist yesterday. I've been in and out of talking therapy for over a decade, sometimes I'd keep the same therapist for a year, two years, its generally massively helpful and I feel I do best with an open person centred approach. This time, a GP referal, they offered me CBT, a few measly sessions, I wasnt over keen but hey-ho one is grateful and accepts what is.

In the treatment room, I had a panic attack that lasted 30 out of the 45 minutes we had together. I managed myself and the symptoms and somehow managed to blurt out enough of my history and circumstances to set my issues that I am facing now.

The therapist, who was kind and compassionate, told me that I was doing really well, that I had a lot to be dealing with, and that she wanted to refer me for a more indepth consultation with one of her seniors, that I needed more than she felt qualified to offer.

Later that day, I felt weak and wrung out from crying, and dizzy etc. But relieved and emptied of a lot of suppressed emotional tension. Cravings from refined and processed food disappeared. They must have been mostly emotional in origin. That has really given me pause for thought. Nutrition definitely affects mood. Maybe a person can rebalance moods via diet some degree. But it's not the whole picture for me. To witness my cravings fall away just like that, having had the space to explore what is really going on for me, was very powerful.

I am reminded of the power of sitting with a good enough therapist and releasing what is suppressed. I revisited Kristen Neff's work on self-compassion and spent some time refining my sitting practice, which is evolving a focus on experiencing the subtle heart. It's a beautiful progression of the yoga.

The therapist telephoned later that day to offer me a second appointment in order to conduct a more thorough assessment and to determine 'treatment goals'. I am quite curious to know whether I will re-experience a panic attack. That time it was caused by entering an unfamiliar building. Let's see if it's any easier second time around.

Ms T met me outside in the clinic carpark and whisked me through the various doors and up the various stairs and along the various corridors. I had asked whether we might conduct the session outside on a bench as it was a sunny day, but for privacy and 'my protection' she said we should be inside the treatment room.

Best hopes will that I get offered some longer term psychotherapy. I understand how the NHS is structured, but I remain hopeful- and it also makes me open my mind to the possibility of sourcing some affordable, longer term treatment myself.

Anything's possible right? Holding open the door of possibility. Thank you for reading
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