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You can't please everyone

Posted 14th July 2018 at 16:51 by healingsoul

So at work I thought I had made good friends with this person who is the complete opposite to me. I really liked her and when we first got on, she helped my confidence a bit as it seemed like she noticed me, was interested in my well being and didn't judge me for being in a bad mood as most people do. She also use to tell me that she would invite me to her house and that I am like her nephew.

Fast forward to this week and it's like she never eats lunch with me again. I have noticed she is much more interested in talking to other people, especially men, than me. One day, it was just me and her at lunch and she went on her phone, but when with other colleagues she speaks to them.

I wonder if the friendship was built on pity and is now just sustained as I help her carry clothes and bags that students throw away so she can give them to kids in Africa. I work in a university accommodation.

It's also other things, I can guarantee she gossips about me behind my back, she gossips about others to me. And she always goes on about how the other two male colleagues are smart, strong, but never me. She doesn't think I am strong.

But then it is not only her, I don't feel that I am really friends with any of the colleagues. Maybe one. But whilst I get on with most colleagues I am ignored. My boss doesn't have as much bond with me compared to other colleagues. There was a temp girl who I spoke with when she just started but gradually she seemed not interested in me, though I think she has her own problems. We follow each other on Instagram and her behavior is funny, it's like she is kind but not to be trusted.

In this job despite the fact I am 24 years old and my colleagues are mostly in their 40's and 50's it feels like the most peer pressure I have felt in my life. Maybe cause I want human connection and probably have even less of it than when I was in High School. I watched the world cup, found parts of it interesting. Called my friend at work, who was promising to call me, to speak of an England match and her response was "So now you are interested in football, I thought you wasn't." There have also been push up competitions at lunch with the other male colleagues, which pushed me to go gym but now I don't feel motivated to go.

Saturday's are like my Sabbath day, but they allow me to think and usually make me feel depressed. I watched this video below and have concluded that me being too much of a people pleaser has prevented me from connecting with others. Also, since I was open with my friend at work about my anxiety and feelings I may have came across as a negative person. There are other reasons such as being socially blind and awkward.

I think I have to concentrate on being the best me. My inclinations, rather than trying to be interested in other people's interests, cause it didn't get me a friend. Rather it got me people who feel they can tell me what to do and don't see me being of any use.

The only thing is that being the real me feels painful, also pleasant though. Last week I kind of overdressed to work. It felt good, as it made me feel a bit like an actor, but also felt scary cause I am very shy and passive, so why dress boldly. I should creatively express myself more it feels. However, I am not into football that much, not into popular music or films and lack the knowledge so the real me seems like he would be uncool and weird. Idk, part of me, the artistically interested side seems cool, but the dorky side such as having an interest in trains scares me.

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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    I also feel that I've been trying so much to impress others my whole life, that I don't know who I really am, what are the things I really like...It's going to be a journey to find out. But I can't wait to find out the real me. And scared : what if I am actually really boring ?
    Posted 15th July 2018 at 23:53 by speakfriend speakfriend is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by speakfriend View Comment
    I also feel that I've been trying so much to impress others my whole life, that I don't know who I really am, what are the things I really like...It's going to be a journey to find out. But I can't wait to find out the real me. And scared : what if I am actually really boring ?
    I don't think anyone is actually boring. Plus boring is subjective.
    Posted 2nd September 2018 at 13:22 by healingsoul healingsoul is offline
 

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