Ok, so for the first time i might be able to say something positive about my life. This girl (...) has recently broken up with her boyfriend and know i have a chance to ask her out properly and in person. I'm going to wait a couple of weeks (2) and ask her.

Secondly my mum finally acknowledged my wish to go pro in a japanese board game called Shogi.

Now comes the depressing negatives:
My dad isn't talking to me
I had a mental breakdown during my GCSE...

19/2/18

This few months has been tough. I've had several mental breakdowns, panic attacks and went through a long period of depression. Right now everything isn't going my say at all. When ever i want to do something god just puts up his middle finger at me.

I asked ... how she felt about me. She said "I like you as a friend. I don't really know how to react in these situations." That hurt. I used so much energy to push away from my social anxiety and my...

My life has been really miserable recently. I can't help but wonder why i keep on living. People in my class always pretend to be nice to me but I know that they don't actually mean it.

For example:

Today my teacher gave us a seating plan. I don't like change so that put me in a bad place to start with. That wasn't the worse bit. I was surrounded by my least favourite people. So i started to have a panic attack. I was screaming, sweating, hitting myself and everything....

It's been a while. I'm finally done with my mocks and now i am free to add more to my blog more often.

I had several panic attacks through exam week and nearly got into a fight because someone called me names.

I did manage to meet up with ... perfectly fine and we managed to have a sort of normal conversation.


I have started to take up photography for two reasons:

1) I love taking photos
2) It will help me to socialise...

So today was a Monday (obviously) so that means that tomorrow i am going to meet with ...

This makes me really nervous. Recently we have been having deep conversations about her life and she has sort of opened up to me. I don't know what to do. Whenever i talk to her i start panicking and shaking.

She knows i suffer from SA so she's probably fine with it but i'm really not. As i said before i am also asperges so i find certain things difficult. Just typing this blog...