Thanks silver,

I'm a bit up and down at the moment.

Yes, I suppose it seems quite normal and uneventful to most people.Mind you so does having a relationship and children. Its the old problem of thinking if this will help me at all or I am yet again just doing anything because other people say it helps them. I really have difficulty imagining reading a book and enjoying it in the presence of others talking around me.if there were too many people I would feel in the way and if there was no one I would feel too noticeable. Another problem as I have written above is that I often get worse and more and more paranoid rather than relaxing and responding positively to exposure. I think this goes back to work where people really did take the piss out of me and ridicule me for being weird and quiet so I hid. It still sometimes happens now when out walking alone. I also sometimes sweat, blush stutter and become extremely agitated when feeling under pressure so looking normal is a problem.Even ordering a drink would make me rehearse it over and over in my head as I queue and be worried my voice would be weak or incomprehensible. I could probably go to a coffee shop once but the more I went back the more awkward I would become as I imagined rightly or wrongly the same people who would start to notice me as weird and then judge me. Obviously its not just paranoia as the same thing has happened on SAUK with the same clique only stalking to each other.

Yes, I think fiddling with something makes people feel more comfortable as if they were still in contact with others or in the office and having a coffee at their desk(only without any annoying work colleagues!) If I went alone I would need something to fiddle with so I didn't become paranoid about being a weird loner.I dont have a smartphone or tablet so I would probably have to take a book. I think I'd still feel like I stood out though.

Thanks.

Feeling better today. Due to stay with friend for a while.

Thanks debs. I did enjoy my walk mostly as it didn't rain hard until I was coming home. I even came across some fighting knights at the medieval festival.

Thanks silver,

I often do listen to music, wear sunglasses and wear a peak cap. I sometimes feel like I need a tank.I think now. its mostly young ignorant males who only say something in a group to sort of prove themselves to the others like some sort of latent chimpanzee alpha male behavior. Despite its probably always the best thing to walk on I still have an urge to go back, find him and attack. It makes me jumpy every time I see a group of people.Why should lone people just out for a walk have to put up with that?

Hi,
Thanks for your comment. I hope you still had a good walk. It is hard sometimes though. People talk about going for a walk as good for mental health like we all live in the Lake District or countrysides instead of grotty areas of towns and cities and see gangs of kids or yobbos around every corner. I think we have to remember that only stupid, young or ignorant people say bad things so its them at fault,not us and always best to ignore them if possible.
Best wishes.

Thanks, I have scoured all the meetup groups but little seems of much use in the local area. I also dont trust myself with other people. Living in a perpetual state of overwhelming sadness does not give me the confidence to make engaging conversation with strangers even if I had no SA and any subjects to talk about apart from TV. Being painfully SA is hard to deal with among total strangers, being painfully SA and depressed,enraged much more so.

Thanks, sorry I did not reply earlier as I was staying with friend for the last week and a bit and was offline. I hope you enjoyed your fish pedicure. Its a good job the crayfish did not bite.