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  1. Old Comment

    Social Mishap Therapy? WTF?

    I wonder how long this type of exposure therapy is meant to last.
    Posted 17th March 2017 at 23:40 by Sy4kQ87nmDS Sy4kQ87nmDS is offline
  2. Old Comment
    indigo777's Avatar

    Shy people, egocentric?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by hollowone View Comment
    The whole 'shyness is egotistical' narrative is from people who don't have first hand experience of what it's like.
    I am not sure,quite a few people on here seem to have had this view over the years although it could stem from their own guilt.

    Quote:
    You have to remember that the way people judge you for doing nothing wrong is their problem and not yours. The behaviour being talked about is NOT defendable. It's entirely understandable why you might see people as potential enemies.
    But as the odd ones out its still up to us to change ourselves otherwise we end up as social outcasts and weird loners.

    Quote:
    The only thing I want to bring-up is, can you identify any ways the fear and lack of trust of people might make you behave? It's how you might behave when you meet new people, and what's on your mind at the time that might be worth addressing.
    I think its instinctive after years of isolation and non improvement. I think I often come across aggressively as I see people as potential enemies and so not friendly although I cant smile and have no witty chat anyway so have mostly given up. However my home life from about 11 onwards was often stressful and miserable so I was unhappy all the time anyway.

    Quote:
    A great thing you can do, as I have been trying to practice is not jumping to snap conclusions about other people if you don[t understand them. Always stop and think, be humble and acknowledge you don't actually know this person. For me, this helps me realise that if anyone else doesn't practice the same, it's their problem and not mine.
    I think anxiety and complete isolation can often lead to depression and paranoia which is mostly ignored in connection with anxiety. I have tried to think differently and yet just going to the supermarket today was highly stressful and I hated it. Its like once the switch in my head is activated its very hard to turn it off or whatever I tell my mind to think it ignores me anyway. This is why I believe CBT therapy would be useless for me.Perhaps my depression would need to be cured first as without getting rid of this first I have no motivation to do anything and get into furious tempers.
    Posted 25th January 2017 at 15:36 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  3. Old Comment

    Shy people, egocentric?

    I agree with the post. Also some people that aren't SA can also care about how they look, have an ego. I'd they didn't they wouldn't find a need to tease others they see as different or a need to be dominant.
    Posted 14th January 2017 at 10:46 by mutedsoul mutedsoul is offline
  4. Old Comment

    Shy people, egocentric?

    The whole 'shyness is egotistical' narrative is from people who don't have first hand experience of what it's like.

    You have to remember that the way people judge you for doing nothing wrong is their problem and not yours. The behaviour being talked about is NOT defendable. It's entirely understandable why you might see people as potential enemies.

    The only thing I want to bring-up is, can you identify any ways the fear and lack of trust of people might make you behave? It's how you might behave when you meet new people, and what's on your mind at the time that might be worth addressing.

    A great thing you can do, as I have been trying to practice is not jumping to snap conclusions about other people if you don[t understand them. Always stop and think, be humble and acknowledge you don't actually know this person. For me, this helps me realise that if anyone else doesn't practice the same, it's their problem and not mine.
    Posted 14th January 2017 at 02:39 by hollowone hollowone is offline
  5. Old Comment

    Shy people, egocentric?

    Interestingly I posted on a Buddhist board and their conclusion was an 'inverted ego', identifying with all the me-thoughts that were negative as the ego will take attention over nothing, it was an interesting theory.
    Posted 13th January 2017 at 08:26 by affluenza affluenza is offline
  6. Old Comment
    indigo777's Avatar

    Inactivity due to Depression and Anxiety

    The biggest problem I find with meditation is lack of quiet as I can get none at home,even sitting in the garden. In fact I have never ever gotten anything from trying to meditate except frustration as it does not work for me ever. if I imagine myself at the top of a mountain or anywhere else I see nothing and feel nothing and then get angry that others can and I cant.
    Posted 3rd October 2016 at 22:33 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  7. Old Comment

    Inactivity due to Depression and Anxiety

    try meditation

    the best way, or course the HOW is the best part..
    like taking a walk- or bringing it into a daily schedule. It can be fun and easy like learning to ride a bike if you want to really know how. It was a real gift for me when social anxiety got real bad for me, it was a way to ask for help, and find it, but also, it became therapeutic. You can move past a feeling or experience if you really want to you can help yourself and allowing healing to comfort you, which is what we all need.
    If you really want to try something first then here try this..
    Ask yourself to do something you cannot do with your body, but you can do with your mind, like, picture yourself on top of a mountain, be there stay there, sit there. Like pretend you are there and let the wind and highness take you up higher even as high as the moon. Take a minute and come back do you feel happy or sad or want to take a walk now? Tired hungry, lonely, bored? Answer this question.. take a deep breath in and out, paying attention to which way it is going. Let that feeling or sensation be your mountain and smile
    Posted 30th September 2016 at 18:51 by meditatemarissa meditatemarissa is offline
  8. Old Comment
    indigo777's Avatar

    Bleak House

    Thanks for your reply.
    Although they say its never too late I think chances and opportunities diminish greatly through age. I could never have a family now, that's gone forever. Finding someone to be with,maybe friends and find a job that I could do and not hate are the best I could achieve but again are much harder.

    I read 99% of online advice for social anxiety was completely useless and I find its pretty much true. Its really for mild to moderate shyness and assumes that you have an irrational fear and just need pushing into doing things and you will get better with a little effort. In reality if you act very anxious most people will at best feel sorry for you but still not want to see you again so your anxiety and avoidance get worse not better, just like using online forums.
    Posted 2nd December 2015 at 13:11 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  9. Old Comment

    Bleak House

    I get where you're coming form, particularly the part of everyone wanting to be with their own clan.

    I like the way you've expressed the feelings of having missed-out in the final paragraph. Such seems to be very rare. Regarding the pain of what cannot now be, I get these thoughts too when I focus on how SA has hindered me. I'm still optimistic that things are never too late, there's never a cut-off point.

    On the note of no advice working, so much advice is on such a shallow level; e.g. do x,y, z, talk to people, show itnerest, keep trying etc. but they never, if ever go to the second level of 'common problems people have putting this into effect; trouble-shooting. Even 'professional' counsellors don't. The quality of advice needs improving, it needs to be more comprehensive and needs to go to that second level.
    Posted 2nd December 2015 at 00:03 by hollowone hollowone is offline
  10. Old Comment
    indigo777's Avatar

    Bleak House

    Thank for replies. Hugs back to both of you.

    There are other things going on as well but not everything is possible to post.
    Posted 11th October 2015 at 19:39 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  11. Old Comment
    Posted 11th October 2015 at 07:54 by either/or either/or is offline
  12. Old Comment

    Bleak House

    I relate to what you are saying and just recently felt tremendous grief over 'lost years' and the recluse Ive become and questioned is it even worth going on. I feel so separate from others because my life is and has been quite different due to various issues and ongoing isolation, I have a burning sense of strangeness when around people and feel like a little Alien trying to relate anywhere. Sorry I rambled but just wanted to explain, as I could strongly relate and wanted to say you have never come across as some mad or insane person but someone who has had a lot of pain and distress and has tried their best to cope with it. :hug2:
    Posted 11th October 2015 at 00:41 by Sy4kQ87nmDS Sy4kQ87nmDS is offline
  13. Old Comment
    indigo777's Avatar

    Lonely? Desperate? Get Lost!

    Thanks for the reply Charlotte. Yes, I think lots of problems stem from our childhood and never get resolved. Both my parents had mental issues.
    Posted 28th July 2015 at 23:05 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  14. Old Comment

    Lonely? Desperate? Get Lost!

    I admire your honesty and think everyone has the need to connect and be part of. Having this longing actually shows normality. If other people had become very isolated they would be doing the same and the need to interact would be great in them. I think it goes back to somewhere in childhood if we get our needs met enough, then we can feel fairly secure in ourselves and with other people, but if not we can be wondering about with insecurity and unfulfilled longing that pours over into all areas. I think the difference is mainly what we didn't receive to feel worthwhile and accepted that causes alot of problems later on. But this is just how I see things.
    Posted 28th July 2015 at 15:11 by Sy4kQ87nmDS Sy4kQ87nmDS is offline
  15. Old Comment
    indigo777's Avatar

    Happy Talk

    Thanks custard
    Posted 12th July 2015 at 19:33 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  16. Old Comment
    Custard_cream's Avatar

    Happy Talk

    Hope you are OK. Feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to.
    Posted 12th July 2015 at 14:25 by Custard_cream Custard_cream is offline
  17. Old Comment
    indigo777's Avatar

    Do these positive affirmation things really help?

    I always thought of people that loved themselves as being mentally ill or at least highly irritating anyway. I think that acceptance is much more preferable to loving yourself in finding inner peace.
    Posted 5th June 2015 at 22:42 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  18. Old Comment
    Belinda's Avatar

    Do these positive affirmation things really help?

    I agree, it's the worst feeling ever when people blame you for not being positive enough. I'm pretty suspicious of the concept of 'loving' yourself- what does it really mean anyway? I think learning to tolerate yourself is a more realistic goal.
    Posted 4th June 2015 at 20:48 by Belinda Belinda is offline
  19. Old Comment
    indigo777's Avatar

    Do these positive affirmation things really help?

    Feel the fear and learn to love yourself anyway!

    Yes, then there is almost an anger with such people as if you are just being deliberately negative. You can't just flick a switch and love yourself after years of feeling other people hate and dislike you.
    Posted 4th June 2015 at 12:52 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  20. Old Comment
    Belinda's Avatar

    Do these positive affirmation things really help?

    Agreed- there's nothing more depressing than enforced 'positivity'- fungus the bogeyman all the way!
    Posted 3rd June 2015 at 20:29 by Belinda Belinda is offline

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