A Grand Day Out

Sometimes it’s almost impossible to put the emotion of the way I have been feeling the last few years down into words. There is an overwhelming sense of loss, fear, inevitability and hopelessness all combined as one. Lost opportunities and chances, longing, yearning and blind faith. I often find myself listening to the same songs over and over, often highly emotional. I found it’s better to keep busy during daytime. If I can survive until evening without feeling desperate I can cope better so I’ve tried to go out more. On Monday I went to Matlock Bath as it’s easy to get to from Leicester even if it is still 2 trains. It’s a bit like a seaside resort but inland and with no sea obviously, just a river. Despite my fear of heights I do like to go high up. There is a sheer drop of over 100 feet from the top which can be quite unnerving. God knows how that man did the tightrope walk in America the other day. Almost anything is possible if you control fear I suppose which is probably just as relevant to social anxiety. It’s also peaceful up here in winter with few tourists. You can sit and think for as long as you want.

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The descent down takes you back to Matlock. I just had enough time to visit Lumsdale which is this wonderful little deserted mill. It’s always felt quite spooky and eerie down here as if the ghosts of former workers have never left and are still watching. I wonder if anyone died here as they often did in times long gone when nobody cared much about workers rights.

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The best things here though are the five mini waterfalls along the river that once powered the mill. Pity it was getting dark by this time and I had to get the 4.36 train back to Derby. I could have stayed much longer.
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