It's so hard to lay down in all of this
Posted 4th March 2015 at 00:12 by indigo777
[B][I]But still the warmth flows through me
And I sense you know me well
No luck, no golden chances
No mitigating circumstances now
It's only common sense
[SIZE="3"]There are no accidents around here[/SIZE][/I][/B]
I think a lot of advice is from people who assume that everyone is in exactly the same boat as them just because they all have anxiety when of course everyone is very different and often has vastly different levels of anxiety and triggered by completely different stimuli. One great example is the old saying of [I]just go talk to him/her[/I] usually in regards to someone you fancy. When I was much younger and at work my SA was so bad at times even simple conversation was almost impossible without extreme physical symptoms such as blushing, sweating and stammering. The only example I have seen that is even close was in the film Roxanne where the guy Darryl Hannah fancied was so tongue tied in the presence of her that he had to wear a hat with Stave Martin telling him exactly what to say via an earpiece. Of course I was even worse than that with the addition of blushing and sweating. They call this love shyness although I was shy in many other situations as well and not just with women. However it was always much worse in the presence of attractive females. I think this was due to the fact that I had been to an all boys school from age 11 so was not used to girls anymore especially as everyone had since gone through puberty and also the fact that most attractive girls rarely spoke first, if at all.Even a quick google search the other day in relation to shyness gave the opinion that it’s the guys’ job to make the first move; it’s always been that way so just get used to it. The emphasis is that you’re always a coward as a male if you do not. Just be a man and all that bollocks as if a man does not have confidence then he is a loser who deserves to fail. They also talk about shyness in relation to an ordinary person as if it’s normal to be shy but easy to get over with practice, not someone who is painfully shy so again the advice is completely useless.
They never ever mention things going wrong and just assume if you keep trying you will always succeed. They never mention the ridicule, shame, embarrassment etc but then they hardly ever mention blushing, stammering and sweating either. They also don’t understand that you have no normal friends, have never been to any nightclub or pub, barely ever leave the house and have nothing to talk about whatsoever apart from TV programs. How do you chat a girl up if you are a recluse,have no witty banter and no Steve Martin to tell you what to say, word by word in your ear? They also never mention that in this state of mind the SA is so bad that any conversation is painfully awkward and even if an attractive female had of tried to chat me up I would have appeared uninterested as I was virtually debilitated by shyness. It’s just so patently obvious to me now that there were so many aspects of my anxiety to recover from before any kind of relationship would have been possible in the first place. Its almost like expecting someone to complete a marathon with a broken leg and with no attempt to allow the leg to heal first. Unfortunately because I was still able to work although in a low paid menial job after quitting college I never received any medical help at all and this behaviour went on for many years. Avoidance in this instance was a survival mechanism as the huge embarrassment I felt when under such stressful conditions would make me contemplate suicide quite regularly as even being alive became unbearable with no joy whatsoever. I used to sit in the toilets punching myself in the head.The feel the fear and do it anyway advice always confused me as when I did other things to try to get over SA and failed it always made me feel worse and more avoidant, not better. If anything it just increased my guilt when I kept failing. I now think that treatment for anxiety and other mental health issues is still in its infancy and the advise today will be looked upon with amazement in the same way we are now shocked at the treatment people received in Victorian times for mental health.
And I sense you know me well
No luck, no golden chances
No mitigating circumstances now
It's only common sense
[SIZE="3"]There are no accidents around here[/SIZE][/I][/B]
I think a lot of advice is from people who assume that everyone is in exactly the same boat as them just because they all have anxiety when of course everyone is very different and often has vastly different levels of anxiety and triggered by completely different stimuli. One great example is the old saying of [I]just go talk to him/her[/I] usually in regards to someone you fancy. When I was much younger and at work my SA was so bad at times even simple conversation was almost impossible without extreme physical symptoms such as blushing, sweating and stammering. The only example I have seen that is even close was in the film Roxanne where the guy Darryl Hannah fancied was so tongue tied in the presence of her that he had to wear a hat with Stave Martin telling him exactly what to say via an earpiece. Of course I was even worse than that with the addition of blushing and sweating. They call this love shyness although I was shy in many other situations as well and not just with women. However it was always much worse in the presence of attractive females. I think this was due to the fact that I had been to an all boys school from age 11 so was not used to girls anymore especially as everyone had since gone through puberty and also the fact that most attractive girls rarely spoke first, if at all.Even a quick google search the other day in relation to shyness gave the opinion that it’s the guys’ job to make the first move; it’s always been that way so just get used to it. The emphasis is that you’re always a coward as a male if you do not. Just be a man and all that bollocks as if a man does not have confidence then he is a loser who deserves to fail. They also talk about shyness in relation to an ordinary person as if it’s normal to be shy but easy to get over with practice, not someone who is painfully shy so again the advice is completely useless.
They never ever mention things going wrong and just assume if you keep trying you will always succeed. They never mention the ridicule, shame, embarrassment etc but then they hardly ever mention blushing, stammering and sweating either. They also don’t understand that you have no normal friends, have never been to any nightclub or pub, barely ever leave the house and have nothing to talk about whatsoever apart from TV programs. How do you chat a girl up if you are a recluse,have no witty banter and no Steve Martin to tell you what to say, word by word in your ear? They also never mention that in this state of mind the SA is so bad that any conversation is painfully awkward and even if an attractive female had of tried to chat me up I would have appeared uninterested as I was virtually debilitated by shyness. It’s just so patently obvious to me now that there were so many aspects of my anxiety to recover from before any kind of relationship would have been possible in the first place. Its almost like expecting someone to complete a marathon with a broken leg and with no attempt to allow the leg to heal first. Unfortunately because I was still able to work although in a low paid menial job after quitting college I never received any medical help at all and this behaviour went on for many years. Avoidance in this instance was a survival mechanism as the huge embarrassment I felt when under such stressful conditions would make me contemplate suicide quite regularly as even being alive became unbearable with no joy whatsoever. I used to sit in the toilets punching myself in the head.The feel the fear and do it anyway advice always confused me as when I did other things to try to get over SA and failed it always made me feel worse and more avoidant, not better. If anything it just increased my guilt when I kept failing. I now think that treatment for anxiety and other mental health issues is still in its infancy and the advise today will be looked upon with amazement in the same way we are now shocked at the treatment people received in Victorian times for mental health.
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