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Here Comes the Rain Again

Posted 25th August 2014 at 14:21 by indigo777

Often I don't really mind a rainy day as it makes me feel better about doing nothing. However as today is the last public holiday before Christmas and is the last day of the city festival i had intended to go out and photograph things. It helps, doing things and occupying time helps to push the feelings of doubt and pain and unrelenting restlessness off of my back for a short while at least. Doing nothing, watching daytime TV or using the internet usually only increases my stress and anxiety. I do often envy people when I am walking alone. You see them in groups and couples and mostly they look happy. By contrast lone people are often considered weird or strange or untrustworthy or worse still laughed at. Going places alone is much harder. In order to not be alone you have to open up and change your mood, behaviour and maybe personality too. This also of course opens you up to rejection and pain if you try, try and try again and fail, fail and fail yet again. Hence the brain learns to hide you away in order to protect you from further pain, which leads to avoidance and pain of a different kind.

You also have to come into contact with people you like, like you back and a whole host of other things just have to connect and be. If there is something wrong with you then that doesn't happen very often. As a result I have only ever had two proper friends in my lifetime and the first has long gone.The other I met from here which is strange really as I have never really got on well with anyone else here in all these years. Itís still raining now as I look out of the window and due to get harder this afternoon. However, I think I will go out anyway. Walking in the rain feels better than sitting alone in the dry pondering life and watching old films or Escape to the Country. Is it just me or does Escape to the Country appear to be on every day of the year? Its so hard to sit down in all of this.
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  1. Old Comment
    Debs28's Avatar
    This blog is so heartfelt. I really felt it when you said about seeing other people I'm couples and groups. I get that too. Something about the pain of being alone but wanting to be alone is so familiar. I hope you did enjoy your walk and I really liked the picture you used too xx
    Posted 27th August 2014 at 18:18 by Debs28 Debs28 is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Thanks debs. I did enjoy my walk mostly as it didn't rain hard until I was coming home. I even came across some fighting knights at the medieval festival.

    Posted 27th August 2014 at 21:01 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Debs28's Avatar
    haha great picture! Glad you enjoyed it xx
    Posted 28th August 2014 at 17:40 by Debs28 Debs28 is offline

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