Goals Pt 2

I still didn't know what I wanted to do long term and my goals book held no real answers, but it did give me a couple of techniques such as creating a few affirmations to help me to think more positively about things, and because now I had some concrete experience these affirmations were not just based on wishful thinking and they actually worked to a degree. It also led me to develop short term goals. It got me to think about what I could do over the next 12 months that would make my life better further down the line. Each of you will have your own ideas on this.

Now most books, tapes and courses in goal setting encourage you to develop what they call a "a definite chief aim". That's great if you know what you want to do and helps you break up the work required to get you there into manageable chunks. But it's not a lot of good if you don't know what you want to do and can just add to your already sizable frustrations about where your life is going if you don't know where to start. But just trying something may lead to new avenues and opportunities and you may surprise yourself with what you develop an interest in.

So what did I learn? Well I learned that it is necessary to give yourself time. Be patient with yourself. If you don't know what to do long term, that's fine. Think about what you would like to achieve short term. Thinking about possible goals gives you an opportunity to find out what interests you. Just the very act of setting some goals can give you motivation. Take a few courses, do some voluntary work. You might surprise yourself with what interests you. Be flexible, nothing is written in stone. You may find yourself diverting from one path to another completely unrelated area. Try to think about all the things you could do if social anxiety didn't hold you back. Think big.

Write down your goals, make plans to achieve them, and work on your plans every single day. Without goals you simply drift, with goals you have a target, something to aim for. It has been said that you become what you think about most of the time. Think about what want to be and how to become it most of the time. By doing so you will orient your mind toward the achievement of that goal. Of course this needs to be backed up with hard work. Do some research. You will find out what it takes to become that person you want to be and learn what you need to learn in order to achieve that outcome. Stop thinking of reasons why you can't do this thing and stop thinking about what you don't want. This changes your focus and stops you dwelling on misfortune while you concentrate on the present activity, which is the achievement of whatever goal you have chosen.

Goals give you a sense of meaning and purpose. They give you a sense of direction. As you move toward your goals you feel happier and stronger. The starting point for all goal attainment is desire. You must develop an intense burning desire for the achievement of your goals. This desire will give you the energy and internal drive to overcome obstacles in your path. It will prevent you from giving up.

Develop a laser-like focus so you are always thinking and talking about the things you want rather than the things you don't want. There is a flickering flame of desire in even the most hapless of individuals. Concentrating on it and feeding it can turn this flame into a blow torch. Resolve to be a goal setting organism. Take charge of your life. You have complete responsilbility for your life from this moment on. The past is the past, all you have is this present moment. Work on getting rid of the negative emotions. Thinking about your goals will make you more positive and purposeful. You may not quite believe it at the moment but you have within you the potential power to achieve almost anything you want out of life, if you simply work hard enough and long enough to achieve it. Obviously not everyone can become Prime Minister or the next Bill Gates but you can carve out a meaningful existence with dedication and the will to thrive.

Design your ideal future. The biggest obstacle to setting and achieving goals is self-limiting beliefs. Start by imagining you have no limits at all. If you didn't have these self-imposed limitations what sort of things would you be doing, how would your life look? Dream big dreams, then ask yourself how would I go about realising the dream. What would I have to do? What would I have to know? If you need to to develop some new skills, like I did with learning how to learn, then you can set about learning them. Set to work making these goals into reality.

I do have a definite chief aim now, it's taken me over three years to come up with it but it's there now. Setting this goal has helped me plan toward what I want with a clarity of vision. I know what I need to do in order to get there. It's not going to be easy and will take a lot of hard work, and I don't always feel motivated but just having that aim keeps me going.

I asked at the start what goal setting had to do with social anxiety. I hope I've answered that. Overcoming social anxiety is a challenge and I'm assuming that one of your goals, by virtue of the fact that you are a member of this forum, is to do something about it. It's certainly one of my goals. It's just one of the obstacles on the road toward the achievement of some greater goal if you choose to see it in that light. So make a commitment to yourself, be kind to yourself and resolve not to let social anxiety hold you back from realising your full potential.