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I have to move out for my mental good

Posted 27th April 2018 at 17:55 by imperfect_perfectionist

I was going to move out of my house but cancelled at last minute due to poor preparation but think I actually have to move out for my mental good. Part of me feels like I am blaming my house and situation for my behavior but part of me also feels that my home environment is a problem.

If I compare my mum to the vocally expressive woman I think she is similar in certain ways, cultural behaviors and some values, as they are both West African. However my mum never seems at peace with herself. She always tries to carry an image that pain is for weak people and that she never needs help. She feels people are against her, insecure, she has changed her name multiple times. Sees autism and mental illnesses as weaknesses, things that people who are less than human suffer from, despite being schizophrenic. Is not open and doesn't usually listen or take confrontation well. Although I care for her, I never want to follow her mentality. This week I was going to take some African food, she prepared for us to work and told her. She responded no and then ended up throwing away the food. This is what tipped me to the decision that I have to move out for my mental good.

My house feels dysfunctional. Me and my sister can't even confront each other. I think without confrontation there acceptance is restricted. The other day my sister was slamming doors, I think cause my mum was smoking and I wanted to say Shut up as I was trying to sleep. I moaned and thought what is wrong with saying I don't like something. I would be told off for it, was in the past so stopped. But honesty is the best policy in a relationship.
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