I spent the last hour procrastinating on writing this. That must say something. I'm feel both motivated and deterred to write this.

A few weeks ago in a Whats App convo my cousin said about how I was always so serious and that I should be myself. This advice was similar to ther ex-colleague who ghosted me prior to her ghosting me.

Weirdly, or not so weirdly, right now I feel a bit angry with my cousin and like I don't want to connect with her. Not just for her telling...

So I have been a Temporary Kitchen Porter in a Central London office block that I work at since about January.

Last week I decided to say that I want to go permanent, as they are apparently looking for a permanent kitchen porter. However my mind has changed and I am most likely gonna turn down the offer.

As usual, I haven't really made any friends or close acquaintances at the workplace. That isn't accurate, one office worker has been interested in speaking to me and...

I feel there has been quite a few changes for me in 2018.

• I started a College course
• My sister left off to university
• I met a supportive colleague
• I did a full time job that was the highest paying job I have had

I feel I have felt a varied spectrum of emotions this year, although more tilted towards the negative side.

This week has been great as I gave myself a haircut, have been going gym so things looked positive. However, on the social aspect it has been...

Since I left my old job I have called my aunt every week. Tbh, I am not sure if she likes me as much as I like her. If my view of her is unhealthy and messed up.

She was telling me how she would invite me to her house, on half term to see her and her daughters. If I am being honest she has been saying the same thing since I was in my old job and we were colleagues. This week something came up and I don't think I am seeing her again.

Idk whether or not she likes me as...

This week I had one to one with my tutor, so no college. And I did a work trail for a job I would do two days a week from next week. Other than that most of the day has been spent at home. I did apply with a job agency in being a waiter but never got called or messaged to do any shifts this weekend. Hopefully though, when my advanced learner loan gets sorted out, and I can finally get bursary from the college and an 18+ student oyster, maybe working my part time job may be enough though I may do...