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Not one of Us

Posted 22nd March 2014 at 14:12 by indigo777

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?


Is it enough to just get rid of your self consciousness and become more confident in order to conquer SA? The old just be your self theory. What if you act yourself and people still donít like you anyway? Do you need to do more, do you then need to change your personality in order to fit in and be accepted? I think many people with SA are often not just shy; they may be socially inept and socially unaware also. The very act of living in isolation and alone, often for many years means they donít learn social etiquette, body language and how to behave around so called normal people. Some may over compensate by becoming drunk to conquer nerves and than say anything, almost becoming loud mouths and are then disliked anyway.

Everything has to be in place in order to fit in, not exactly of course but definitely within certain parameters of human acceptable behaviour and also culture. The way you dress, personal hygiene, body language, voice, and social etiquette all play a part in normal day to day conversation and socialising which are expected and mostly overlooked. If you go for a drink dressed scruffily or strangely, smell badly, act oddly then even if your character is good and you have mostly conquered your SA other people may still not like you or be too embarrassed to be seen with you and so may not want to see you again.

Even on an internet forum things are not as simple as just posting more to gain confidence. If you do in fact post more and more and yet still struggle to make friends or connect with anyone, feel like your posts are ignored again and again no matter how hard you trywhen others speak to each other over you every day, maybe its not paranoia or negative thinking. Maybe just maybe itís because people really donít like you and think, ďOh God not him/her again!Ē every time they see your username and donít even bother to read what you post.I know I have felt like this many times after using SAUK and still doubt its paranoia. It still happens every week while other similar posts are replied to because the people are liked more, because they are in the clique or whatever.If people were so nice on SAUK there would not be so many hostile responses and threads closed down. It's like people advising you to go to meets like its a cure all and you know full well they dont want you to go to the same one as them. In these circumstances using a self help forum may actually reinforce your feeling of being hated, disliked and being an outsider even on a forum for people who are supposedly suffering the same problems as you and then your SA and avoidance become even worse.

There is so much more to conquering SA than just being yourself. Itís also about fitting in to what other people expect and allow whether in society at large or on internet forums. If they donít like you, then you have to change yourself to suit them in order to fit in or they continue to dislike you and ignore you. Everyone may be different, but only within certain acceptable boundaries.
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