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Often I don't really mind a rainy day as it makes me feel better about doing nothing. However as today is the last public holiday before Christmas and is the last day of the city festival i had intended to go out and photograph things. It helps, doing things and occupying time helps to push the feelings of doubt and pain and unrelenting restlessness off of my back for a...

So today I got called a C**t. No I did not do anything wrong. This was just walking along the canal in a place I have been many times before. If you are alone and a gang of yobbos decide they are in the mood then its obligatory for scumbags to insult you. It only happens in gangs as they would be too cowardly to say anything if its one on one and usually after they have well passed you. At least they did not take the piss out of how I looked or walked which may have made my paranoia worse.
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“Do you fancy a bogey mate?” Yes that’s the level of conversation you get walking down the street In Leicester these days. Mind you it is a rough area.A teenage girl said this to me as she picked her nose in broad daylight as she walked by me on my way to Tesco yesterday. Well it is the school holidays so the poor girl is probably just bored. I said no. I don’t fancy eating my own bogies let alone someone else’s. Even when I was her age I never got so bored during the summer holidays that...

So I stayed with a friend for a few days. It felt strange going to pubs and cafes and shopping with another person.(although I never go to pubs on my own either of course!) My confidence was better, I did not feel so much paranoia like people were looking at me, i did not talk to myself like a mad person. Good God! This is what it must be like to be normal, although I keep getting told there is no such thing as normal. (yeah right!) Most people have been doing things like this their whole lives...

I have not been out as much in recent times which is a pity. I feel very jumpy and on edge again which does not help. Even yesterday someone appeared to shout something at me while in a group of others and although they may have only been asking the time I pretended not to hear as they were on the other side of the canal and I had headphones on so kept walking. There are kids hanging around in gangs everywhere as it’s the start of the summer holidays which makes it worse. The one refuge over recent...