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I enjoy writing and am seeking to clarify my thoughts, feelings and internal process.
Old

Grief and tree-hugging

Posted 20th May 2014 at 20:02 by Star Rainbow

Enjoyed a few days of buoyant mood and increased sociability. Accepted a spontaneous invite to a friends sauna, took a walk with my house-mates and was even contemplating attending the Bardic finals, which would be something like 10 steps up the ladder of interaction.

Mood crashed today, I overdid it. Cycled to the pool twice in two days, got overwrought from the stimulation of the traffic and the urban environment and I need to factor in half a day off, free from people and roads...
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Old

Pool paradox & unexpected visitor

Posted 15th May 2014 at 06:49 by Star Rainbow

The lido is open for summer. The paradox of the warm sunny weather is that, everyone wants to go and that makes it very difficult for me.

A/the(?) major trigger of my anxiety/panic is proximity to other people/sharing public space. So I rocked up at the pool yesterday afternoon at what is usually the quietest time. Post lunchtime, pre-end of school day.

The carpark was full and so were the cycle racks. I leaned my bike against the wall, walked to the entrance and peeped...
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Old

Womb time

Posted 12th May 2014 at 08:32 by Star Rainbow

Spent four days, hunkered down at home, a mini-menstrual retreat. Allowing myself to stop and withdraw from the world, simply 'cos that's what I feel to do; and while my mind was a little bothered by it, my body is clear on this point. No energy. The requirements are clear : food and rest in large amounts.

Had a tech-free Saturday; felt good to re-occupy myself; I tend to drift further and further from presence the more time I spend online.

The weather has been moody,...
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Old

Suddenly summer

Posted 7th May 2014 at 07:41 by Star Rainbow

Two small but significant firsts: first barefoot walk of the summer. When the soles of my pink, podgy feet met the cool, fresh morning grass, I can't tell you how good that felt. Rather than yomping up and down I circambulated the Tor with my attention mostly in the sensations of the feet. Really takes one out of the mind and into the present moment, via the body.

We have had rain, the grass was wet rather than dewy damp which felt cleansing and exhilarating. During the walk my feet...
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Old

Tender

Posted 4th May 2014 at 06:40 by Star Rainbow

Tender? More like tenderised. My father was a chef and I recall seeing him bash at steaks in the restaurant kitchen. A wooden mallet, with 'teeth'.

That's how I'm feeling today, like I've been tenderised with a steak mallet.

It's probably all postive and maybe time will grant me the wise perspective of how well I've done. But in this moment I'm feeling overwrought and overstimulated.

'Partied' a second day in a row; well it's hardly partying to sit in...
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