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Solstice, stimulation & finding calm

Posted 23rd June 2014 at 13:56 by Star Rainbow

Sun rythms, summer solstice. This part of the world attracts a gazillion visitors at this time; pagans, druids and fae types as well as party types who just want to get mashed up .

I attempted a Buddhist friends vigil-gathering in his field, we could see that the area was a scene with all night drumming and dancing and chanting and who knows what. The local sheep had all been shepherded into a single field, for their safety I guess and they were not happy. The sheep bleating...
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Old

Trauma and true healing

Posted 7th June 2014 at 10:25 by Star Rainbow

I have this inner tyrant, a bossy headmistress. She likes to proclaim 'stuff and nonsense' when I attempt to act from my true nature: shy, sensitive, reflective. She would have me polish my shoes, straighten my tie and 'get out there' and do more. Get on with it gal!

At times that strict voice can be very subtle, or show up as an attitude of comparing and measuring myself and my 'achievements' Finding that I fall short of the required standard. She would award a grade C- 'could do...
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Old

Rest and reboot

Posted 4th June 2014 at 09:03 by Star Rainbow

Sunday I could barely move all day. All the excitement, overstimulation and emotional drama of the week, well it corpsed me and I surrendered. There's a difference between deciding to take a rest day as prevention/maintenance and having a day of enforced shut-down that I don't have control over.

Thankfully I didnt mentally resist, in the past, such episodes trigger mind-fear and alarm, what if I'm broken and can't recover my energy? What did I (or anyone else) do wrong to cause this...
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Old

Too much of a good thing

Posted 1st June 2014 at 09:31 by Star Rainbow

I dont know how or why but life these days, well... I would prefer to be gently paddling down that merry stream, carefree and languid in dappled sunlight, dangling one hand in the calm, cool waters.

In reality, I am clutching at the mane of a wild stallion who is tearing through the forest, I am bouncing around on its back, barely seated, holding on for dear life etc

Ultra busy with an unstoppable chain of events, people and places, too much of everything. Maybe its...
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Pool paradox & unexpected visitor

Posted 15th May 2014 at 07:49 by Star Rainbow

The lido is open for summer. The paradox of the warm sunny weather is that, everyone wants to go and that makes it very difficult for me.

A/the(?) major trigger of my anxiety/panic is proximity to other people/sharing public space. So I rocked up at the pool yesterday afternoon at what is usually the quietest time. Post lunchtime, pre-end of school day.

The carpark was full and so were the cycle racks. I leaned my bike against the wall, walked to the entrance and peeped...
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