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Reality Check

Posted 14th June 2017 at 19:53 by indigo777

"A common approach shy individuals will take to overcome their anxiousness is take on some big social challenge like going to a single’s bar or walking up to a model-esque woman and striking up a conversation. The problem with this approach is that if you fail to smoothly socialize, you just reinforce the narrative in your head that you’re shy and awkward, that you can’t change, that socializing is threatening, and that the only way to get rid of those threatening feelings is to avoid socializing altogether."

Yes, now imagine getting that reaction when just trying to speak to a cashier at Tesco or even ordering food or a drink at a cafe and then hearing that these events are supposed to be the easy ones on a hierarchy list. Thats why everything I do has reinforced my negativity and pessimism even more. I am still trying to find things that I would or could do that would be easy. Remember very shy people dont even get invited to parties so we dont get to choose. Shy, very shy or painfully shy? There seems to be a huge difference which is totally ignored. Then also add depression into the mix. Perhaps they need different types of treatment for different levels of anxiety. Some hope. The NHS often shoves people with different types of anxiety into the same group therapy regardless as its cheaper.

"At least once a day I want you to do something on purpose that is just outside your comfort zone. Things that count as being just outside your comfort zone are usually things like: saying one "small talk" sentence to a cashier, calling a relative, inviting a friend to a movie, putting a status update up on Facebook, saying the word “hello” as you walk by a stranger on the street."

You see here we go again. Speaking to a cashier is 10/10 for avoidance for me. They also always ignore etiquette as if it is obvious what to say when speaking to different people such as male or female, young or older and what is appropriate to say to each may not be the same to the other. And the most obvious one of all. If I am nervous I COME ACROSS AS A TOTAL MORON. People often dont understand me, I say inappropriate things or my voice is so weak they cant hear me. All common for shy people and yet all ignored totally on self help sites. JUST FORCE YOURSELF AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES! Etc. Then completely ignore that when you get humiliated you get even more avoidant.

I also dont have any relatives I know at all, my one and only friend lives in another city, I dont use Facebook as I have no friends and would not want people I used to know from work to contact me as I have been unemployed for many years and saying hello to strangers on the street I still find absolutely ridiculous as strangers dont usually smile at each other in city centres if they are male and my age even if they are normal.
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