so...

My life has been really miserable recently. I can't help but wonder why i keep on living. People in my class always pretend to be nice to me but I know that they don't actually mean it.

For example:

Today my teacher gave us a seating plan. I don't like change so that put me in a bad place to start with. That wasn't the worse bit. I was surrounded by my least favourite people. So i started to have a panic attack. I was screaming, sweating, hitting myself and everything. I think someone got it on video. Anyway, everyone in class was laughing at me. This wasn't my imagination.

I was already on edge because i arranged a meet up with (...) on Saturday. The thought of meeting someone was making me anxious.

I asked her what time she was free but she still hasn't replied. I'm getting the idea that she didn't actually want to meet up with me and just said that she did with no meaning.

If we do meet then my friend Luka said that he will help me if i have a panic attack.