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  1. Old Comment
    Jude99's Avatar

    It's hard to be myself

    Defo do keep going to the classes and so what if you require one to one, if it is what you want to do, then keep doing it. I did tap dancing and struggled with some of the moves however, as I loved doing it with others, I would go home and practice, practice, practice. The use of YouTube also helped to build my confidence and skills.
    We cannot change how others see us but we do have the ability to change how we respond - that's our choice. I get too much in my head but learning through self development books to let go. Reading The Untethered Soul at the moment which is about letting go, getting out of your head, being aware of our mind, thought processes and not obeying them. Easier said than done but, it has worked for me in certain situations like the one you described, allowing me to shake off negative experiences/how I think of it, what actions I can take, what I could do better. This helps me to move on. Good Luck
    Posted 4th August 2019 at 15:57 by Jude99 Jude99 is offline
  2. Old Comment

    It's hard to be myself

    Well put! Should go back to the kickboxing for another try.

    I do a martial art and its bloody hard but can be fun too, and I feel the exercise helps in other areas of my life.
    Posted 24th July 2019 at 13:02 by Tonkin Tonkin is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Jude99's Avatar

    Something needs to change

    Hi Mutedsoul, I hear you... I am guessing there are many of us out there that share the same thoughts and feelings. I am wondering what did you end up doing...
    Posted 13th June 2019 at 21:52 by Jude99 Jude99 is offline
  4. Old Comment
    mutedsoul's Avatar

    A New Chapter + things I learnt from my colleagues.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert View Comment
    Healingsoul, it's so great that you've been able to learn so much from the colleagues in your own job; I hope you are able to feel more comfortable in your own skin as you start this new phase in your life, it really does open to the door to a fuller life and happiness.
    I am still actually as anxious I think, but also a teeny bit better at dealing with people. I started college on Tuesday. Ran into some same problems as usual, such as people giving me a bad look, finding it hard to communicate with people. However I called the support team in the college so my anxiety doesn't end up having as negative influence as it has had in the past.

    I know with support, as I saw in my old job, my anxiety levels usually are lower and I can think and function more clearly.

    Also I think I have a bit more barriers learning from my aunt and looking at the results when colleagues try and act like everything is alright when it isn't.
    Posted 13th September 2018 at 14:26 by mutedsoul mutedsoul is offline
  5. Old Comment
    gregarious_introvert's Avatar

    A New Chapter + things I learnt from my colleagues.

    Healingsoul, it's so great that you've been able to learn so much from the colleagues in your own job; I hope you are able to feel more comfortable in your own skin as you start this new phase in your life, it really does open to the door to a fuller life and happiness.
    Posted 12th September 2018 at 16:55 by gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
  6. Old Comment
    mutedsoul's Avatar

    You can't please everyone

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by speakfriend View Comment
    I also feel that I've been trying so much to impress others my whole life, that I don't know who I really am, what are the things I really like...It's going to be a journey to find out. But I can't wait to find out the real me. And scared : what if I am actually really boring ?
    I don't think anyone is actually boring. Plus boring is subjective.
    Posted 2nd September 2018 at 13:22 by mutedsoul mutedsoul is offline
  7. Old Comment

    You can't please everyone

    I also feel that I've been trying so much to impress others my whole life, that I don't know who I really am, what are the things I really like...It's going to be a journey to find out. But I can't wait to find out the real me. And scared : what if I am actually really boring ?
    Posted 15th July 2018 at 23:53 by Bertignac Bertignac is offline
  8. Old Comment
    anxiouslondoner's Avatar

    Feeling like a forgettable, unlikeable person

    Sorry to hear you feel like this. You seem likeable on here with some interesting, thoughtful posts.
    Posted 29th May 2018 at 03:17 by anxiouslondoner anxiouslondoner is online now
  9. Old Comment
    Daniel1984's Avatar

    Family and environment issues

    I got fed up with thinking it all through the same as you are here, and just stopped talking to everyone. My family is crazy too, they just make me worse.
    Posted 19th May 2018 at 05:56 by Daniel1984 Daniel1984 is offline
  10. Old Comment

    My current view towards work

    Congrats on your job, I am really pleased for you, it was clear how hard you were pushing yourself to get interviews.

    Not knowing is pretty common, very few people end up in the career they chose at 15, 20, 30 or even 40.

    They tend to drift from one to another, either through random changes and short term inspiration or by seeing an opening in a firm they like. The firm is the constant the job can change, that is really common. It is good to think about these things but I wouldnt worry about it too much. Keep an eye out, see what grabs you, and all the time have a steady income from something you can manage.

    I knew that engineer in a recording studio was definitely the job I wanted to do for the rest of my life, for sure, 100%.
    I gave that up at around 21, you just dont know until you try things.
    Posted 9th September 2015 at 14:22 by flumpsy flumpsy is offline
  11. Old Comment
    mutedsoul's Avatar

    SA is really subconscious behaviour

    Yeah, I know I could have prepared for the interview more, it would have probably helped me manage my anxiety in the situation.
    Posted 6th September 2015 at 20:29 by mutedsoul mutedsoul is offline
  12. Old Comment

    SA is really subconscious behaviour

    I mean try to avoid it at all through preparation. I am not saying you didnt do it right but there is always room for improvement.

    I always say the thing so many people get wrong about interviews is not paying attention to being as comfortable as possible. The number of people that turned up for interviews clearly wearing ill fitting suits reserved for interviews.

    One of the things that helped me get through an incredibly stressful social event I had a while back was that I had bought all the clothes months before, second hand, I had worn then around the house lots and although i looked the same as all the other pengiuns [b]I[/b] knew i was in very specific clothes that I was as comfortable in as possible in. not a hired suit which would be what most people did.

    It has been so long since I went to a job interview so i cant think f any relevant examples. Interviews terrify my whichever side of the table i am on, they scare even the most 'normal' of people.
    Posted 6th September 2015 at 19:16 by flumpsy flumpsy is offline
  13. Old Comment
    mutedsoul's Avatar

    SA is really subconscious behaviour

    ^I suppose you are right, I could have managed my anxiety better than I did in the situation. But also, the anxiety was completely subconscious and took complete control of my behaviour.
    Posted 6th September 2015 at 13:32 by mutedsoul mutedsoul is offline
  14. Old Comment

    SA is really subconscious behaviour

    It is also possible to find ways to try to make situations less anxiety causing, I am sure you already do but I tend to spend a great deal of time on that side of things.
    Posted 6th September 2015 at 05:42 by flumpsy flumpsy is offline
  15. Old Comment

    Rejoining Facebook

    I do agree with you do your best to tackle it but you should certainly want to do interesting things for your self and your enjoyment/development as a human. Not for a selfie, I certainly am more likely to engage with somebody if I know they have done something interesting and havent blurted it out all over social media with pics of themselves doing it.

    You seem far more interesting than the faceplant folks not even noticing the view because they are staring at an iphone checking their lips are puckered enough for the photo.

    It sounds like you want to post stuff to get noticed by them and I guess that may be the best way.

    I only communicate on facebook with people I know in real life, and even then I ignore the stream of "look at me doing xxxxxx" and just pick up on genuine posts about lives and what people are doing.
    Posted 30th July 2015 at 13:42 by flumpsy flumpsy is offline
  16. Old Comment

    It's all about the way you carry yourself

    Putting somebody down isn't a good way to get them to carry themselves more confidently. Very poor indeed.

    I agree with the principal though, I live in a 'vibrant' area, since getting my confident, head up walk practiced I get far less attention from people. When in groups often they may just say something or joke around but group mentality has meant the odd opportunist mugging happens. They always start on people who look different(cant help that), and those looking down trying to sneak past nervously.

    I feel I was at risk once when one called me mental patient hair, I burst out laughing at how great a put-down, I clearly looked impressed with the originality of it and it all diffused but did feel it could have gone much worse if I kept staring down and had to barge round them, as I would have before.

    It is only a 20 mt walk to the shop and then back, it isnt a walk I can pull off all the time.


    Best way I guess is to learn to walk confidently but I just act when I need to. Shoulders back, eyes ahead but not any eye contact and walk quite fast, with intent. Although I hate doing it I will now work through a group rather than walking all the way around. When I get back I do actually feel a bit more confident, perhaps the walk makes you actually feel more confident too.
    Posted 26th April 2015 at 19:38 by flumpsy flumpsy is offline
  17. Old Comment
    mutedsoul's Avatar

    Learning to give less of a f*ck

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MrDan View Comment
    I would have personally responded to your colleages action by throwing a bowling ball back towards him.
    But yeah glad you figured out you don't need to carry the same interests as other people, diversity is a beautiful much needed asset in our life's.
    Lol, i should have thrown the ball back at him. My colleagues are actually nice, the company is really small and right knit. But then I also do think they think people should be a certain way, idrk. But I hate how the boss always laughs and says a customer is weird after he has spoken to them on the phone. Maybe I hate my boss laughing out a customer is weird cause I have experienced being judged for SA. There seems to be lots of box ticking when it comes to judging people at my job but that seems like the nature of the job, so far it feels like I have learnt a bit to take it a bit less seriously as opinion is not fact.
    Posted 5th November 2014 at 07:16 by mutedsoul mutedsoul is offline
  18. Old Comment
    MrDan's Avatar

    Learning to give less of a f*ck

    I would have personally responded to your colleages action by throwing a bowling ball back towards him.
    But yeah glad you figured out you don't need to carry the same interests as other people, diversity is a beautiful much needed asset in our life's.
    Posted 5th November 2014 at 02:08 by MrDan MrDan is offline
  19. Old Comment
    Posted 29th October 2014 at 19:53 by mutedsoul mutedsoul is offline
  20. Old Comment
    MrDan's Avatar

    My first SASH Self Help Meeting

    Congratulations amigo, it's nice to know you have a choice of two different groups as well. Just try not to listen to your negative thoughts too much.
    Posted 29th October 2014 at 02:39 by MrDan MrDan is offline

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