Im considering the idea of giving up and letting my social anxiety and depression overwhelm and drag me down until I reach rock bottom. Perhaps that's the only way im ever going to find the motivation to really make changes in my life.

For the last year or so I have felt myself slowly getting worse in terms of my general happiness. Im not where I want to be in life, ive gradually let my social anxiety get the better of me and have hidden myself away more and more. I somehow have...

Wrote this poem in 2010 . . . nothings changed.


And now i am reaching the end of the line
With a lump in my heart and a tear in my eye
And a head filled with millions of scattering flies
That'll buzz till brain bursts and ill escape from this life

Escape from the waking and facing the day
Alone in a crowd when at work and at play
Alone to extreme as i sit in my home
Emotionless, sad, just sat like a clone

Im getting...

I want to write a blog about my thoughts on SAUK, this website that changed and kind of saved my life years ago. When i first discovered this place, it was amazing. Id never before heard, read or thought the words "social anxiety". In my mind, i was the shyest man in the world, weirdly shy, socially broken, unable to mix, unaturally nervous with others. The day i googled "extreme shyness" and was taken to SAUK, really did change my life.

I was back living...

When I hear people complain about their job, moaning about how hard or boring it is, one thought crosses my mimd: I want to say to them, imagine your job without all the banter, imagine going to work each and everyday and not talking to anyone. Imagine days and years on end with no laughter, no nicknames or little games. Imagine the looks in your colleagues eyes when they catch your gaze, not knowing whether to smile or attempt to talk to you, because history has shown you might not reply. Imagine...

I reached a point today where I lost the will, the will to keep up the self pretence that things aren't that bad and my life isn't a horrible world of frustration, anger, loneliness and despair. In a moment of clarity I said to myself that life won't ever be normal, ill never be as happy as I want, ill always live a struggled and unhappy existance. For a while I've forced myself to believe that social anxiety doesn't have to mean an unhappy life, but the reality is it probably does.
...