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Beyond Saving?

Posted 28th May 2018 at 23:33 by indigo777

Being with someone you like helps a lot, so does support. I think its a thing that people with family and friends have no real idea of, being totally alone for weeks on end. At least I have one friend for which I am thankful for but still am alone for most of the time. Trying to make friends online has been an even bigger disaster and almost always ends in failure making me feel disliked and CONFIRMING ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. They then blame you for not going out to get friends or relationships as if its simply cowardice. Its not. if you are very anxious and depressed not only is meeting and befriending strangers close to impossible but nobody likes you or wants to know you. Again just like online. We evolved to avoid losers. Once again the obvious conclusion is that you already have to be to a certain level of social competence and likeability in the first place to even make friends. The idea that its all paranoia and maladaptive thinking is utter lies.

Then of course depressed people are mocked for being negative, self pitying and whining so they keep quiet, sometimes for years. Yet the mental health sites are also telling people especially men to tell someone how they feel and not keep it all in because lots of people, especially men again commit suicide so you cant win. Speak and moan you are a self pitying whiner so god knows who you are supposed to speak to if you are feeling bad, the Samaritans as no one else gives a f**K?

Its a bit like demanding you learn to love yourself while they mock and ridicule you for being a coward and claiming that social anxiety is all your own fault for not doing the HARD WORK making you feel guilty, not loving yourself at all and MORE likely to self harm or commit suicide. Are they really this dumb? Does this mean that you have to have completely gotten over depression first before you can even start CBT for anxiety?

I just watched a TV show where a woman said that some people are beyond saving. I am not sure that's entirely true, I think almost everyone can be helped to some degree but it often comes down to blind luck. However, the reason they are not saved is that most people don't want to help unless there is something in it for them. The vast majority of people don't give a F**K about the homeless for example and even demonise them as spongers or lazy as an excuse to justify not caring.. Another example of this is that many people who offer advice online would not in any way want to be friends in real life even if you were the same age(age is very significant) and lived nearby, yet they still advise going on meets, just not their meets. We are all judgemental to some degree.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    I can understand the anger. I feel most people don't know how to act around a depressed person.

    One thing though is that you shouldn't waste your energy on what you can't control. Tbh I need to take my own advice and practice mindfulness. So that rather than feeling irritated or anxious by that colleague who doesn't even bother to say hi to me or the other colleague who tries to make me look bad I just see the situation for what it is as I can't control a person's behaviour. What's the use in being angry about something that has already happened or inevitable?

    People are going to continue to act the same towards depressed people and we can't really change that instantly. So we have to accept the situation and do what we can to improve it.

    Heck I need to begin practicing mindfulness.
    Posted 29th May 2018 at 01:17 by healingsoul healingsoul is offline
  2. Old Comment
    indigo777's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mutedsoul View Comment
    I can understand the anger. I feel most people don't know how to act around a depressed person.
    Yes, that's understandable really and is the same for social anxiety as we can be highly unsociable and hard to get to know. My anger is more directed at self help sites and people who claim you just keep going out and doing stuff and then totally ignore we cant all just choose to be positive or happy. When I was younger I also used to blush and stammer so the idea I should have just forced myself go to parties and it would go OK was idiotic. Its just as false to claim other people don't notice.

    Quote:
    One thing though is that you shouldn't waste your energy on what you can't control. Tbh I need to take my own advice and practice mindfulness. So that rather than feeling irritated or anxious by that colleague who doesn't even bother to say hi to me or the other colleague who tries to make me look bad I just see the situation for what it is as I can't control a person's behaviour. What's the use in being angry about something that has already happened or inevitable?
    Yes, I have tried that although its so easy to fall back into bad habits again. Have you read any books on it?
    Posted 29th May 2018 at 15:58 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by indigo777 View Comment
    Yes, I have tried that although its so easy to fall back into bad habits again. Have you read any books on it?
    No, not so far.
    Posted 29th May 2018 at 22:46 by healingsoul healingsoul is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Thousandmiles's Avatar
    I have never had an online friend. I am scared to approach someone even if I see we have a lot in common and could actually become friends, I do that not because they might discover I am not likeable, but because I am worried that I will not be enough. You know that quote from The Little Prince "You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed", it can be interpreted to be about friendships. It's a big responsibility to be a good friend to someone who needs you a lot emotionally. I think that's why online friendships might not last or happen, people discover they can't be there for each other in one way or the other, expectations don't match and the delay factor in communication can make things inadequate. Don't be hard on yourself, it can't be all about you.
    Posted 3rd June 2018 at 09:28 by Thousandmiles Thousandmiles is offline
  5. Old Comment
    indigo777's Avatar
    I am not sure. Although I have one friend I have been online for many years and even when I occasionally speak with people for a time they almost always go away first. Doing things that fails constantly for years only gives me less confidence and makes me more avoidant. This surely means just doing stuff over and over again does not work and that we have to change ourselves first.
    Posted 4th June 2018 at 14:44 by indigo777 indigo777 is offline
 

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