Are You Hard Work?
Posted 10th March 2015 at 14:30 by indigo777
It’s been much harder to find success that a lot of the advice I have read advocates. I remember when I was younger at work and the feelings of not being one of them, not one of the crowd, different and weird but most of all extremely disliked. (yes, just like on SAUK!)I felt a quite intense jealousy and even rage when I saw other people going out and enjoying themselves so easily. Even today reading that you should stand up straight and speak in a clear loud voice to overcome SA. I once tried speaking louder and was told I was shouting and speaking in a strange voice and laughed at so this of course made me much worse, not better.
Of course this often angers some people as they assume you are simply making excuses or not trying hard enough which once again to me show their complete ignorance of their advice. Yet the conclusion is that you will quickly improve. Once again, total crap. You only improve with success not continuous failure. It also ignores secondary disorders like sweating, blushing and stammering. Why does much of the advice always assume you are just a bit shy and with a kick up the backside will quickly improve? Like going to meets.
Something the other day struck a chord with me as a girl once said something similar about me at work. It was long the lines of people who don’t like themselves are hard work and no fun to be with. Well obviously so are people with severe SA, mental illness and depression! That’s why they often don’t go to meets as they are fearful of being disliked and yet the advice on here is often that meets are the greatest thing on earth for curing SA. Is this for only moderate SA and you have to be cured of everything else first in which case it could make you feel even worse. When you feel so low you don’t know how to get through each day why would you agree to meet other people if you are being judged as too miserable?
I nearly went on an SAUK meet a couple of year ago because of loneliness and yes even some guilt tripping due to the obsessive advice on here as if all meets are great.( they forget to say but only if you are under 30!) It was a city festival anyway so there was lots to watch and see and of course take pictures of.I recognised 3 people from SAUK because they have previously posted their pictures and I almost spoke to one but no. I walked away. It was strange later to see one of them walk right past me. Now I realise that I am over 40 and all meets are for the under 35's which makes any meet on SAUK pointless. Anyway what the hell would I have talked about? Clearing the diarrhoea stains out of the carpet from my dying mother? Yes, I’m sure that would have cheered everyone up!
If you go to any kind of social event and people don’t like you, then they will never want to see you again so you of course not only don’t improve but become even more paranoid. It’s much like using SAUK really. If people don’t like you they ignore all your posts and form a clique. We are so designed to like positivity(Look at the most popular vloggers on youtube!) that we usually ignore negative people, demonise them by claiming they are wallowing in self pity and its all their own fault to justify disliking them. So the people who need help the most often get worse and go into a negative spiral and some never come out of it.
Of course this often angers some people as they assume you are simply making excuses or not trying hard enough which once again to me show their complete ignorance of their advice. Yet the conclusion is that you will quickly improve. Once again, total crap. You only improve with success not continuous failure. It also ignores secondary disorders like sweating, blushing and stammering. Why does much of the advice always assume you are just a bit shy and with a kick up the backside will quickly improve? Like going to meets.
Something the other day struck a chord with me as a girl once said something similar about me at work. It was long the lines of people who don’t like themselves are hard work and no fun to be with. Well obviously so are people with severe SA, mental illness and depression! That’s why they often don’t go to meets as they are fearful of being disliked and yet the advice on here is often that meets are the greatest thing on earth for curing SA. Is this for only moderate SA and you have to be cured of everything else first in which case it could make you feel even worse. When you feel so low you don’t know how to get through each day why would you agree to meet other people if you are being judged as too miserable?
I nearly went on an SAUK meet a couple of year ago because of loneliness and yes even some guilt tripping due to the obsessive advice on here as if all meets are great.( they forget to say but only if you are under 30!) It was a city festival anyway so there was lots to watch and see and of course take pictures of.I recognised 3 people from SAUK because they have previously posted their pictures and I almost spoke to one but no. I walked away. It was strange later to see one of them walk right past me. Now I realise that I am over 40 and all meets are for the under 35's which makes any meet on SAUK pointless. Anyway what the hell would I have talked about? Clearing the diarrhoea stains out of the carpet from my dying mother? Yes, I’m sure that would have cheered everyone up!
If you go to any kind of social event and people don’t like you, then they will never want to see you again so you of course not only don’t improve but become even more paranoid. It’s much like using SAUK really. If people don’t like you they ignore all your posts and form a clique. We are so designed to like positivity(Look at the most popular vloggers on youtube!) that we usually ignore negative people, demonise them by claiming they are wallowing in self pity and its all their own fault to justify disliking them. So the people who need help the most often get worse and go into a negative spiral and some never come out of it.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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I agree with everything you say. I'm only really comfortable with people who are just as melancholy as I am (have you ever read Fungus the Bogeyman, Indigo? I think I'd quite like to be friends with Fungus!) so friendship oppurtunities are quite limited to say the least!Posted 12th March 2015 at 00:41 by Belinda 
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Yes, in fact Fungus has always been a hero of mine! I particularly like the idea of bogeymen burying themselves in the dirt and coming out when all their problems have long gone.If only!
I think if you start to study human behavior to any extent you see that most people like others similar to them so avoid nervous, miserable or weird people making practice of any event that much harder. The pressure to be positive and humorous in order to be liked or accepted is evident in real life sociable events or even online so this in itself puts people off with behavior problems keeping them avoidant.Posted 12th March 2015 at 13:56 by indigo777
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Glad to hear you're a Fungus fan- I'd love to just bury myself in some muck for a few years if things became too much- bogeys have all the best ideas.
I really like the way the bogeymen are really phobic about noise and either whisper or hiss if they want to communicate- can definitely relate to that.Posted 15th March 2015 at 00:09 by Belinda
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I also have noise intolerance so am much more like a bogey man than I realised. *checks for slimy armpits*
Posted 15th March 2015 at 18:18 by indigo777
