Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

Hello. I too never mentally developed past the age of 13.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

That sounds like I'm being shitty to you two. I meant, I feel like an overgrown child too.

I should be seen and not heard.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

^ It does not! :hug2:

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

^ Ah, phew :hug2:

I always think of the worst possible way things I say could come across to people, and assume they do.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

^ Me too. Although I am naturally blunt anyway so my worries aren't completely unfounded.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

Can somebody slap me in the face please?

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

@ Lettie - I would never slap anyone in the face especially not a face as pretty as yours :hug2:

Athough I have a 14 year old, I've never felt any older emotionally than when I was 14 myself. Sometimes I think I'm a middle aged woman trapped in a teenagers body while my son is a man in the body of a teenager :laughing:

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

^ but it is normal for some of us! And I guess if we felt that people understood that then we wouldn't seek the reassurance so much. If that makes sense? I'm having a weird day today where nothing is making much sense. I've wasted the whole day and now I'm annoyed with myself.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

I've learnt to stay away from everyone now a days, its the only way other people can be safe from the shit I give them, sure it also hurts me but this isn't about me I can't have people in my life that I hurt over and over just for the sake of my stupid illness it's not fair on them, this is one time where my bpd isn't being selfish and thinking about other people for once. Its going to be a lonely old world but I am ready for the ride.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

^ Tried to PM you, but can't. Bit paranoid I did or said something to make you feel that way. I really hope not, but I'm sorry if I did. Let me know? My brain has a field day when I've reason to feel guilty :embarrass:

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

I was trying to explain to someone yesterday about the emotional dysregulation and that I can't stop it happening, by the end of the evening I just felt like it was all my fault and I'm expected to control it but it's not that easy.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

^:hug2:

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

I literally never learn.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

There was a song I heard in the late 90s/early 2000s by a semi-obscure nu-metal-hippy band called Boyhitscar that did a song called " man Without Skin" that seemed to be about BPD.
Well at least, having no skin is how I feel with it.

"You're like a man without skin.
Everything he touches seems to hurt him ."

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

Yes that's the way I feel too

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

Similar in some symptoms.

BPD people can have manic-ish episodes. Acting out ( externalising) and then sometimes it can internalise and seem like depressive phases.

BPD is highly variable in how it effects people - some may be diagnosed bipolar at other times.

I don't really have manic phases anymore, it's all internalised, self-hatred, pushing people away, isolation etc , self-destructive behaviours.

I keep fantasising about being hit by a car or being stabbed by a mugger or something, then I might have a rest, a pause, in hospital, a break from life.
And then that BPD voice in your head goes
" also it'll test to see if anyone really cares about you"
when in reality nobody would even know cos I've pushed them all away :screams:

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

I'm feeling desperately alone and craving affection, but at the same time I can't cope with anything or anybody else because everything becomes drama in my world, nothing is simple and everything becomes intense and destructive. I don't deserve anything good so my instinct is to kill it before it can give me any false hope of happiness.

I'm so sick of feeling like I need to spend my life tucked away and hiding from the whole world.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

^ I’m borderline, I don’t know a lot about Bipolar Disorder but there seems to be a good bit of info on this site: www.bphope.com Hope that’s of some help to you.

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
 

I’m so sick of the intensity, every negative emotion feels as if it might literally kill me. Other people seem to be able to feel sad and still function, I feel sadness like an actual knife in my chest and I can’t move without feeling like screaming, it’s an agony that I never know how to describe to anyone or cope with and I have to fight to not physically hurt myself instead in some ****ed up attempt at justifying the pain or something.