SA since childhood ruined my present day
 

I think that about sums it up in the title.
Heavy SA as a child combined with the loss of all four grandparents and my father within five years made me extremely reclusive and more introverted.

So, at 30, people expect you to have life experiences and even if they don't expect you to, it'd be nice to have them in order to relate to what they are saying.

My life experiences are "go to work, go to sleep" and before that "go to school, play games, go to sleep". Not something I really want to share with people.

So, okay, time to make a change. But I really have no idea where to start.
My only friends are online, I have looked for another job but there isn't much about and although I want to study for higher education, I don't think I am smart enough to do so, nevermind that the fees are way beyond my pay level. My relationships are few and far between and extremely short lived due to my introvertedness and lack of life experiences (and money)

I just feel trapped. Stuck in this shitty life with no way out and can't see any way forward.

How do I START to get out of this?
Seriously, any ideas at all would be great :)

Re: SA since childhood ruined my present day
 

I'm in a similar situation, man. :headshake

I think I may have a way out, though. My personal plan is to get driving lessons, pass my test, and maybe find work that involves driving (like a courier job). It'll involve doing things that are tough for me, but hopefully it will be a small price to pay.

Re: SA since childhood ruined my present day
 

Similar situation here also.

I think that you just have to get to a point where you are so fed up with what you are doing that you can motivate yourself to make a change, for example due to my high anxiety levels and poor digestion running in my family I developed oesophageal spasms from having excess stomach acid (exactly as they sound, causing very uncomfortable regurgitation when eating sometimes) which made me very scared about eating in public, I'm now on PPIs to stop this but am still not happy about eating out (which is fairly normal for everyone else), so recently (due to the annual works dinner) have had to force myself to eat out once for the dinner and once beforehand with my parents to build up to it.

Not wanting to lose this momentum I have now gone out to a nearby Costa Coffee on my own (so more nerve wracking) and had a cake and a drink, without having any problems.

I just need to keep the momentum for this going and maybe build up to a full meal on my own because if I can find excuses to not go I'll end up reverting back to how I was quite quickly.

Re: SA since childhood ruined my present day
 

I think Troy has hit the nail on the head there with starting out small and keeping the momentum going to build up to bigger things. I used to be terrified about taking the bus into town and eventually some years later it built up to taking 2 trains (well 3 if you include the tube across London) to Paris on my own.

Re: SA since childhood ruined my present day
 

Have you tried any free online courses (MOOCs) yet? I have done two through Coursera, there's also FutureLearn, and some American universities have free online courses. I'm sure others here will know about other courses. It might be a good place to start your further education.

Re: SA since childhood ruined my present day
 

thanks for the replies :)
I have to start somewhere yeah.
its really difficult to just pick yourself up after being down for so long.
I genuinely need to make a plan

Re: SA since childhood ruined my present day
 

Don't get too caught up in a set plan, just start with something small and build up, it's always best not to over think these things and make yourself anxious about any set achievements.