Relationships - anyone given up?
 

Sorry for the astoundingly negative thread topic, but it's something thats been eating at me for a long time...

In the past few years i've been looking back and realized all my (few) relationships have followed the same pattern:
A few weeks/months of great happiness followed by ~4x the time of great depression. Also, i never regain the general level of happiness i had before said relationship...

So basically each relationship has been another notch eaten into my general happiness. With the additional Chinese torture of knowing just how happy i could be...

So fast forward to now: Last relationship turned me to within a knife-edge of suicidal (glad i have an awesome family, the thought of upsetting them was the ONLY thing that kept me alive)
Knowing the pattern of every relationship makes things worse, i'm now stuck that i'm deeply unhappy being single, but fearing for my life if i tried for another relationship... ARGH!

Logic tells me just to forget on relationships now. But i can already feel it turning me into the twisted and bitter old man i really don't want to be...

No idea what to do for the future. All i can see is a whole load of negatives, none of which i can bare coping with...

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

Up the butt?

Only on birthdays.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

Er... What?

I havn't given up but I'd kind of like to stop thinking about it for a while. Easier said than done when your not getting any though!

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

Yes, it's all too stressful to me competing and trying to woo a woman on a pedestal with men swarming around them like bees. I haven't dated for over a year now and no longer use dating websites, I need to get out to more social groups and try to make friends... oh the irony, me being SA.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

Sometimes I think it would be nice for me to have someone to face the world with - a woman alone, is an easy target even in today's society. Someone to care for me. Then I think, oh god, I might have to be the carer. How selfish is that!

I agree that it isn't the end of the world. Look at the married couples who have nothing to talk about.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

Yes. I just don't think I am cut out for sharing my life completely with someone. And I don't have much trust left either. Too many failed relationships, one major one leaving me suicidal, its just not worth it.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

I don't feel like I could have one at the moment. Too much other stuff to sort out first. But maybe one day I'll feel capable. I want one, but it would't be fair on anyone else right now.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

I haven't given up but I've been single for 8 years, so it isn't looking too promising. At least in that time a few women have liked me and I've "nearly" had a couple of relationships. In 2.5 years though I haven't even met anyone female despite trying SO hard. I don't know what else I can do to meet someone (please don't suggest I go out more places-I do my best to meet people).

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

Not indefinitely no but temporarily yes. I haven't really felt in that right place to date for some time so I did stop looking. Given how incredibly selfish, inconsistent and avoid-ant I can be during my depression phases, I just don't think that's fair on a partner. Trouble is I don't know if i'll ever feel ready so it makes me contemplate taking the plunge and just testing the water so to speak but i've never been very good at taking risks and I am quite comfortable being single for the time being.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

I must admit, I'm a lot more comfortable being single now than I ever was in my teens / twenties / thirties, but I'd still like to meet someone one day...

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

I'm endeavouring to be in a relationship just now,. but I've been so close to walking away from it so many times.

I've learned that what works for me is to just try and relax and go with the flow, and just take it as it comes as easily as possible.

I think the more I analyze myself and question myself and think over where it's going and what's happening the worse things get, and the more unsteady I become.

I'm thinking that my default position was always to be on the verge of giving up / running away from most things,..
figuratively speaking I''ve always been permanently camped at the exit,.. ready for a quick getaway in most areas of my life, which is basically avoidance and fear of committment,
I think my being aware of that escapist stance and not allowing it to get in the way is what's keeping my in the game this time.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

I gave up a long time ago (but maybe I'll try again one day). I'm 33, had my last girl friend when I was about 23. I think during the last 10 years a few opportunities have come my way but I screwed up each time.

For ugly fu_cked up people like me having a girlfriend is just fantasy, and its so frustrating when walking around the streets seeing all the girls dressed in the most sexualised manner possible. I think I should move to an Arab country, I see the sense in some of their practices.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

I had done, until I met this one girl. Two years later, still single, but I think I'm in love with her. I just haven't had the balls to ask her out despite her being single and continuing to show interest in me.

Also stumbled across her on a dating website I don't really use, just have an account to nose about.

Kinda seems like something up in the sky is trying to make this happen, but I just won't allow it.

Just can't make that move. Just can't.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

I've got to the point that I don't even bother thinking about having a relationship.
What I would like is a friend (or two) because at the moment I am very lonely.
If this lead to something, then great, if not I wouldn't mind

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

i dont know how people can just give up?

approach more women!
last weekend i approached 14,
the weekend before that i approached 9 when my friend invited me out clubbing with her and her friends
today i approached 3 in a shopping centre, and also sent a msg to a "friend" i like who i met up with yesterday
a few weeks before that a woman approached me in a club and i got a kiss,
a week before that i got a phone number off a girl outside a bar
a few weeks before that i had a couple of dates with a girl, but things didn't work out... (she's too aloof)

tbh, my approach to success ratio isnt that great (maybe cause its only because i tend to only approach really pretty women lol..), but i dont really get how people can just give up. i'd be awfully depressed if i just decided to give up....

just dont understand it..........

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

^ Inspiring stuff Defiance :thumbpur: He who dares...:d

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

Nice going Defiance I admire your determination and will power but again it just reinstates the belief that men have to do all the hard work whilst women do next to nothing.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

thanks diplo ;)

people might think i find it easy to approach, but let me tell you, i don't .. and often still get terrible approach anxiety

I dont want to get to 50 or something and look back at my life and regret at all the chances i never took.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

unfortunately it is pretty much like that with men doing the bulk of the hard work. but whats the solution? ok, we can make a stand and refuse to take part. but where does that get us? alone.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

Maybe it depends on how "attractive" one is as well.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

yep given up

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

yeah, i think it does.

but tbh, not every guy can afford to sit around and hope they get approached. and alot of women do not like to do any approaching ...so you miss out. I prefer to try and approach as i know that i'm missing out on alot by just sitting back waiting and hoping.

personally, i have been approached before, but it doesn't happen as nearly as i'd like it to that i would feel comfortable just sitting back and waiting for women to approach me.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

It's millions of years of evolution at work. Women get all the hard work when it comes to giving birth. I think that's penance.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

I see both your points Dom and Defiance I just don't buy into it sorry that men are obligated to woo, charm, chase, chat up and whatever just because women have a vagina and the ability to give birth. We need to evolve beyond silly gender rules...

Well while you are busy evolving we will be busy with vaginas

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

LOL - *Shrugs*, so be it.

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

If only that were true, Lol :laughing:

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

seriously. i'll show you. entrust me with the job of finding you a bf and i'll get you a list of suitable suitors as long as your arm before the hour is up.........

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

:headshake:smash:

Re: Relationships - anyone given up?
 

I see the point you are making AB but at the end of the day this is how things are and as Defiance said we can refuse to take part but we'll end up alone more than likely. Its like you cut off your nose to spite your face in a way yet the only person that loses is yourself really.