[waine]

ive had it since age 8, just came on all of a sudden after my grandfather died the trigger though apparently i didnt know him well. but had image of seeing him in his grave.
my mam and dad let me come home at primary school for lunchtimes. and if anything is to go by how they behave to me now, they are overprotective, quite strict but caring.
i dont know though i mean some people never even went to school and were taught at home but dont develop social anxiety so im not sure.
my mam had trouble on the phone, my dad hated every job and was unemployed for years. my mam is dominant at home but quiet in groups. my dad never worked with the public. my mam did.
i think on my behalf i just have no confidence, never believed i could do anything.
i used to think it was a dopamine thing.
now im not so sure. i dont blame my parents. they have always looked after me im grateful to them but interestingly my brother doesnt like socialising like my parents so the characteristic traits are all there too.

but i think most crucially i dont like myself