DG - it is completely normal to feel the way you do under the circumstances. It does sound like you are depressed. I know its not the same but I lost a close work colleague and yes I can say I loved her, told her everything about how I felt about life. After she died I felt anger, I felt upset and annoyed that others were carrying on as though nothing had happened, I then spent mornings before and evenings after work crying about it then I felt numb. I still don't know what I prefer...the feeling depressed and no point to life or just feeling numb, nothing at all.
If you are feeling depressed, please speak to your doctor. They can offer medication and counselling. It is a difficult process and at times you will feel worse but eventually you will start to feel better. You deserve to be happy DG and things can improve.
Nobody will ever replace Martin, but you will learn to accept things and be happy again in time.
I was very against anti depressants for years, but having found the right one I only wish I had gone on them sooner.
Look after yourself DG and I am here if you want to chat.
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