[Consolida]

Originally Posted by newbs16

^ I do hope that you start to feel some enjoyment in your life. It sounds like every day things are a struggle for you at the moment.

Thanks newbs, your kind messages always mean such a lot to me

Originally Posted by Dougella

^^^ Please look after yourself Skitz.

^^ I'm sorry you're feeling this way, depression really is awful. It doesn't necessarily always have an obvious cause, which is the difficult thing. Have you thought about talking to your GP or another health professional if you see someone already?

Thanks so much for your kind feedback Dougella

I've actually got an appointment with my Doctor on April 1st, not that that ever makes any difference. I feel like I've tried every anti-depressant under the sun over the years and have been on Citalopram for a couple of years. It's obviously not doing it's job anymore or perhaps I'd feel even lower without it

I'm very slowly trying to wean myself off the benzodiazepines as I think they had started doing me a lot more harm than good, especially when it comes to exacerbating the Depression. But it's going to be a very slow process swapping from Lorazepam to Diazepam and then gradually tapering those down to nothing.

Ahh, Life's never easy that's for sure!

Originally Posted by Skitz

thanks, I just feel like it will always be like this. not to say I'm not trying things to help myself.. I have been out running, spending time with friends, going to different places but it all just seems like what's the point. I get extreme paranoia when I'm out, I have mood swings through out the day, one minute I want to go off travelling, the next I want to kill myself and hide from the world, I'm crying my eyes out, I'm irritable and want to punch everyone.. then it's the over thinking about everything. Why am I like this... I go through stages of not eating for a while. but have gone into binge eating past few days, not slept properly for a few weeks now. I feel like I'm in a daze most of the time. When I'm with people I just go off on my own world for a few minutes when they are talking to me. I now feel like I really just need to run off and hide from the world, explore... be on on my own.. but deep down I know that's not going to help me. I get stressed easily, I can't handle lots of people or cities. I just kinda full apart. I have got into drinking like pretty much all the time now, I really don't want to but it's become addictive. It's like I'm trying to find anything to destroy myself. I need to get a grip. Argh life...

Sorry for rant, really don't like talking about my problems but comes to a point where you need to let it out. I'm sorry you seem to be struggling too

Please don't feel that you should apologise for talking about your problems here, Skitz, because this forum exists for people just like us to share and vent

You've done so well to go out running, meeting up with friends etc, inspite of your Depression. You are making big efforts to help yourself which is a lot more than I'm doing right now! Try to be proud of your efforts and achievements. A lot of people would choose the temporarily easier option and avoid but you haven't been doing this

I can imagine the regular mood swings are particularly difficult for you to cope with as it's so hard to make plans when you don't know how you will be feeling from one day to the next. I think you said that you had stopped taking your meds? Although I know only too well that they all come with some negative side effects I did find that anti-depressants at least helped to level out my moods - which isn't ideal - but was slightly preferable to being a blubbing wreck one day and then full of unrealistic optimism the next.

I can totally understand why you have started to seek solace in alcohol as in a way I've done the same with my benzodiazepines but we both know that because of the enormous risk of tolerance and addiction that they will only help for so long before they just exacerbate our problems. Why are the things that most help the very things that eventually cause us the most damage!

These mental health issues suck big time don't they, Skitz, but I guess we must be flipping strong to have gotten this far!

For what it's worth, you arn't alone with this and hopefully know that there are folk here, myself included, who can totally understand and empathise with all of your struggles.

Take care lovely and vent whenever you feel like it