[LittleMissMouse]

I've just turned 40 and I'd probably rank my SA at about 40/100 because although it's there I'm quite good at pushing through things. I spent most of uni wanting to drop out, and mostly sat on my own in lectures, the number of times I went to the union on a Friday night you could count on one hand and dreaded having to find a lab partner in practicals but did manage to just about survive. I do the same thing at work, I've had to do presentations etc, but I just push through it because I have to.

I basically now do everything on my own and can do a very good impression of someone who is just very independent but deep down I am desperately lonely and would love to have friends to call on for a beer or a coffee and would love to have someone to go on holiday with as I don't know why but the folks that I work with seem to regard going on holiday on your own as the hallmark of the ultimate loser.

I also think the whole low self-esteem thing is maybe a bigger contributor to my overall failure in life than SA. I look at clothes and think "I couldn't wear that, it's too cool and not beige enough to blend into the background" and I've had a total of three long-term relationships, two of which basically involved me being an emotional punch bag, but I put up with it because I think I was just grateful that anyone would even look at me twice, hence my current situation of pretty much being an apprentice crazy old cat lady, only I can't even do that properly because I don't even have a cat.