[bluebottle]

This is a very interesting thread. Generally, I think that you can set your goals as high as you like, as long as you know that it will take lots of small steps, and hence lots of patience and preserverance, to get to them. For example, I'd like to be SA free one day - but even if I change some little things like asking a shop assistant rather than silently checking shelves for what I want - this is already a big success and worth celebrating.

As far as relationships are concerned (I seem to keep posting about this topic today, but anyway) - I agree with every word Innervision has said. There's no such thing as an ultimately desirable partner for everyone, all of us have individual needs when it comes to finding a partner.

In the past I have looked for partners I - consciously or unconsciously - was able to feel 'superior' to in some ways. I thought that if I chose an equal partner or someone who had achieved more than me in every aspect of his life, I would be so insecure that I couldn't stand it. Turned out I was insecure anyway and didn't feel 'superior' at all in the end - instead, I felt just as inferior as I did in other aspects of my life. Next time I will definitely strive for equality which I believe is the only acceptable way of having and maintaining a relationship.