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Originally Posted by Cepaea24
This is exactly what I am trying to do right now, I really wish I could have your attitude. I'm still at the point of desperately trying to find some friends/ girlfriend and feeling really anxious when I fail or when the people I meet mistreat me.
Do you have any advice on how you gave up on being normal?
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For me it came in stages. The time when I was close to ending my life, for example. I wasn't just thinking about it, I
knew it was over. It gave me a different perspective on things.
But also, realising that other peoples' opinions are largely out of your control. When I experienced utter failure time and time again. The opinions of those people I tried to impress didn't change anything for me in reality. If people were going to hate, laugh at or mock me then so be it - those are their actions, not mine. I also learned that being mean - aka standing up for yourself - had the same consequences as doing nothing. Get bullied for doing nothing, or get bullied for being rude and cruel to them... it's your choice, and I found the latter actually stopped the initial behaviour.
But yeah, ultimately it was a combination of being near (what I thought) was the end of my life and realising I had gotten into this position because of thoughts that existed inside other peoples' heads.
EDIT: Reading this back it sounds like I am praising suicidal thoughts in a way, which I am not. But those thoughts came about by me accepting that I really am at the bottom of the social hierarchy - something I spent years fighting, trying to regain my former place. When I failed again and again I eventually concluded I could never change my position, and that planted the seed that evolved into my current mindset.