Hey, thanks for all of the replies. A lot of things that I identify with and also a lot to think about haha.
The external validation thing is definitely something I can relate to; I grew up as the youngest of four and my siblings were all quite a handful for my parents and as I was always quiet/shy, I think I just blended into the background. So I guess I've kind of accepted that there's where I belong.
By the sounds of it I've been quite lucky in regards to doctors/therapists but I've only been seeking treatment for around 18 months so I suppose there's still time to be disappointed
In fact, there was only one experience where I came out of a session feeling worse than when I went in.
I also feel like I have definitely fallen into the trap that Ajax mentioned, where I not necessarily expect a reward when I try to take a step forward but would at least like to be acknowledged for it. Sorry if I'm not making much sense...
Also, a couple of points I wanted to pick up on what Hayman said regarding the opportunities and chances that we don't get compared to others... I'm not judging at all (I'm in the same place after all!! haha) but do you think that SA maybe makes us miss these oppurtunites rather than us not getting them? Tbh I feel the same as you that we don't get them, just wondering how everyone else feels about it?
The point about being told to do the things you're at therapy for is something I can relate to as well; I'm kind of tired of being told that "there's no evidence that makes what I'm thinking true"... I realise that but it doesn't stop me thinking it!!
