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Originally Posted by becky1789
yes.
and then it's like I know what hurts them, I know what to say what will hurt the most... and it's like a time bomb, and I'm biting my tongue trying not to say it.
In truth, I'd be better off not in a relationship.
My partner says the worst thing anyone could call her is a bitch. That utterly surprised me considering some of the things people have said to me. She said only one person in her life has called her it. So, when we've argued before, of course I've called her just that. I don't know what it is with me that makes me act like that in a relationship.
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i can do that too , when i totally lose it i know whats gonna hurt so i say it. Everything that people confide in me , i can use as a weapon to attack them with . Iv said things to people that most people couldnt even think up if they tried
At the time i think they deserve it ,but feel deeply ashamed afterwards
then usually self harm
In my opinion , to call someone a bitch is at the absolute mildest end of the spectrum . i can forgive myself for calling someone a bitch . i wouldnt repeat things iv said , because id be instantly judged and ill thought of , but its bad.
i always thought it was others , i still often do blame others and people dont help when they say "well you havnt met the right girl" , but the pattern is just so enduring and happens so quick into a relationship , that iv recently sussed out somethings very very wrong .
i know what it is and why i do it .......... i strongly suspect i have bpd as i fit all criteria to such extent it wrecks my life. Hoping the therapy will help it.
i shouldnt be in a relationship at all though .......its not fair on me , OR potential partners.