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Originally Posted by Tim Ed
Hi WS, I'm glad your social went well, and that you could congratulate yourself on your success! 
Thanks for the long post again, especailly the part about avoidance. I understand the time factor bit, and that I'll have to be patient... but it's encouraging to know that someone like you has improved a lot with regularity of practice.
Problem is, so far I've never been able to maintain meditation sessions over months & months. Not that I feel guilty or anything about my lack of discipline. I'm trying to find other ways to do the same sort of work, like more what you call "mindfulness": telling myself to be conscious at various moments in the day i.e. paying more attention to what comes through my senses (instead of being caught up in my thoughts). And your advice to mantra "I am awareness" i use a bit as well, as it's self-encouraging.
Anyway, I HAVE noticed these last days that I manage to be less socially anxious sometimes, in a new sort of way. But i can't really say what's different... maybe it's because doing what you suggest seems to be a right way to change things. Also it's more relaxed than some of the therapy I've been submitted to (sounds like torture, eh? You'd be surprised!)  |
That's great news Tim that this is bringing down your anxiey levels already. Keep going. I would still advise you do at least 1 meditation a day. It does not have to be anything grande, just 15 min per day is sufficient and you will find this time will increase automatically anyway. Your intuition will guide the process. The meditation practice is basically like a training exercise for your awareness. By giving your awareness 15min+ everyday of thoughtlessness or rather disassociation from your thoughts, your awareness will start to grow, increasing the extent of your awareness in your daily life.
I went to the weekend meet and barely felt any anxiety at all. It was lovely how the group greeted me, talked to me. They seemed to like me. I seem to give out more positive vibes now because of meditation and people tend to be quite warm to me now. There is this biblical quote that I cannot remember verbatim, but it goes something to this effect: "When you go to an unknown island, I(god) will send a messenger/guide to help you" And this is what seems to be happening. Wherever I go now, somebody is there that helps me, often a complete stranger. I definitely believe that his(god) blessings are certainly shining on me.
Throughout this week my anxiety has been far more reduced than usual and as a result I have joined many groups and many social activities. I have been out most of the week. I still have the group discussion hang up though, even amongst friends. I find it particularly hard to practice awareness in these situations. A recoccuring thought is, "I don't know what to say" or "I don't have anything to say" and the identification happens and then I go into avoidence of speaking. However, in those moments where I do catch the window of awareness, I do try to break the pattern. Usually if you can break it even once, it can be enough to get the ball rolling.
I find recently using props really helps as a focal point for awareness. Try this in situations where you know anxiety is very likely. Chew some gum, and whenever your become aware of the trigger thoughts, bring your awareness back to chewing your gum. It is much easier to do this when chewing gum, because the sensations are very strong and tangible. This works equally well with food and drink, especially hot drinks.