Ok I'm really nervous about this post but here goes.
Following a major breakdown just over a year ago I’ve been on a mission of self discovery, learning about social anxiety and how my behaviours and thought processes have been affected over the years. Learning what makes me tick and what I’m truly afraid of, understanding what happens to me during extensive periods of stress etc. I’ve learnt lots about myself but there is something really bothering me.....what is truly being yourself????
I’ve always been a people pleaser, so is my mum and my daughter, this is me though, I never really used to think that it was a bad trait to have. I’ve always found comfort in being a supportive individual. But when does it go too far?? I ended up completely changing who I was in the lead up to this breakdown in order to try and please one particular person and it radiated to everyone else around me. It was almost like I’d developed some strange split personality and I didn’t know who I was anymore coupled with intense anxiety and stress. Now this had definitely gone too far, I’d completely lost control of everything.
I’m not sure I’m making any sense but the thing is I’m still not sure who I am anymore? Is trying to be nice to people and doing things to please them not really my personality? Is this where I’ve been going wrong my entire life?
For instance, I may say something in different ways to different people thinking I’m providing the same meaning, I may act slightly differently knowing that that particular way is important or preffered by that particular person, I might think it suits their personality more or I’ll act differently just because I’m just more comfortable with them. Does this not really make me me??? At one time I thought this made me a good communicator, well liked and able to adapt appropriately to different people and situations. I thought it was a normal human behaviour, now I don’t really know. Is this something I shouldn’t be doing??? Or did I just take it too far and let myself completely change under the stress.
Help, I’d really appreciate your opinions as this is making me feel somewhat abnormal ???
