Hi Frustration,
I just wanted to say that I had a physical illness too, for 7 years. I had Fibromyalgia, I was in so much physical pain, it was hell, sometimes I could only sleep every other night and there were times when I would be up 3 days in a row with no sleep and just terrible pain. I was alos bulimic, cliniically depressed, a self harmer, tried to commit suicide about 7 times. Ended up in two different hospitals to keep me safe from harming myself, I wasn't sectioned but came very close. I also had a psychological addiction to alcohol and drugs and would be drunk/off my face most days. Plus I got dumped a total of 4 times and hadn'ta friend in the world. I know what you mean when you feel there is no hope left. All I can say is that it can change. The only problem I have left now is my SA and after all that, it's a hell of a journey to take. I know that you absolutely can have a different life. It's about taking small steps (and I mean small) and building yourself up. You will have days when you feel like giving up (I still do). You will feel what's the point, it's too hard, I can't do this, I'm not strong enough and like you said that you think your illnesses are who you are. This absolutely isn't true. I know that you are the kind of man who says something nice to a girl when she's feeling down about herself, and someone who cares about how other people are feeling which is an incredible place to start. Sounds to me as if you have alot to offer the world and the world needs more people like you. The place where It all started for me was that little voice that I had inside of me that hadn't yet given up, the same voice I heard in your thread. I think the first step to take is what you said, which is to the doctors. If you ever want someone to talk to then please don't hesitate to contact me!! You live with an awful lot which goes to show the strong gutsy individual you are.
x