I can relate, Tubbs
My mind does the same thing, in fact it's usually already half way there before anything happens. It's a huge coping mechanism for me, the idea that at least I can always just die, and if I can manage to keep my peace with that then how bad can anything really get? The problem is it requires me to shed all my attachments to being alive, to treat everything as disposable, make no connections and not value anything. It isn't a nice way to live, though I deal with it by telling myself I don't deserve anything better, and I wouldn't know what to do with it if I had it.