[billy_brown]

^^Growing up, being called boring was the insult that cut the deepest. I think boring gets used as shorthand for quiet most of the time, which is not the same; in that context the person calling someone else boring is expecting to be entertained, which puts all the conversational weight on the other person. Sometimes you might end up in conversation with someone you don't have much in common with, which can be a bit boring. But that's ok. Just don't call them boring to their face, that's just rude, which is much worse than being boring. It's ok to be bored, just don't use it as a stick to beat other people with.


When I think of being genuinely bored of someone's company, I think of my uncle in law. Coaches. Every conversation came back to coaches. Driving coaches. Making models of coaches. Photographs of coaches. Routes. The kind of weaponised boredom where the other person doesn't care whether you're interested in the subject and just wants to selfishly indulge themselves. A horrible man.



^ Yes, this makes me think of CBT and challenging untested preconceptions we might have. I find sharing things in this way really hard, even though I know it works in practice. The kind of conversations that have really stayed with me and worked to reduce the separation I feel from other people have started quite small. Usually conversations at work. Low stakes, casual chat where I don't have time to put up the usual barriers. Just opening the door a bit to how you feel in a certain situation can encourage other people to reciprocate.
I find myself a bit jaded about therapy and self improvement these days. The things that I think back to that have really helped are conversations where I'm opening up a to someone a bit and seeing how it goes. I'm not very brave about this stuff, the instances I'm thinking of are months, years apart, but it's worth it more often than not, and something we should do more of when we get the chance.