[Alf in Pog Form]

Interesing topic. Hope it stays healthy.

I've made an attempt on my life as well. And recently. Not going to go into details ofc, but I planned it about 2 weeks in advance. Even quit my job thinking it would remove some of the embarrassment of it, since so few would notice I'd be gone. I'd been very depressed before and said to myself I was suicidal many times. Probably more in self-depreciating bravado than anything else. But this time it felt different. Like there was something final to it, that it would never go away. It felt like I was right to do what I was doing. So I carried out my plan to it's end... but didn't do it 'right' and so here I am.

As for what it has done to me now? If anything it has served to me a unnecessarily drastic reassessment of myself. I've cut out the shite I had around me, and decided to get some proper help from a professional. My psych lady is varying in usefulness, but it's worth the effort to try.

I'm still a little freaked out by it. I did it so coldly, if someone saw me during that time they'd have not suspected a thing (I imagine). I have no idea if I'd ever think of doing it again.

The only thing which upsets me about it is my family. They don't know about it and never will. I couldn't give a shit about myself or anyone else any more. But they don't deserve me giving up like that. I think if there is anything you desire in life then there is something to work for and to keep going. I'd never encourage anyone to even consider it. It's never too late to try again and restart your life.