Hello again.
If you're socially-isolated and lonely & are in a bit of a rut, you know what steps you need to take to improve your circumstances but you're not taking any action, it might be well worth checking out this article illustrating patterns people can fall into when they're lonely
https://www.succeedsocially.com/lonely
What I want to talk about today are the two points regarding 'being a little too good at distracting yourself' and 'becoming too comfortable in a social rut'. I think that these are very important points.
Even if people are unhappily lonely & are aware of what steps they need to take to change their situations, people may still not do anything about it. It's true that even in unhappy circumstances we can end up comfortable & can end up distracting ourselves too much, to the degree that we don't feel motivated to take action.
A good technique that's worked for me is to remind yourself what you cannot stand about your circumstances, what you wouldn't miss, what you've had enough of, remind yourself of times the loneliness has been particularly painful. Some examples might be;
- Not having anyone to meet up with and being shut in too much
- Painfully lonely summer afternoons seeing all those happy couples and groups of friends
- Never getting to meet new people
- Painfully lonely evenings
- Being sick of doing things on your own and wishing you had someone to do things with
- Never getting to mix socially with people your own age
- Never going on any dates
- Not having anyone to share your life with
Whatever applies to you. Sometimes reminding yourself what you've had enough of, what you can't stand can also help you to visualize how things could be different & can thus help you feel a bit more motivated & determined to change. That frustration can be turned into determination.
There are so many people out there who are unhappily lonely and isolated & who're in a rut for many of the reasons raised in that article. Here I want to specifically raise the issue of the comfort trap & on reasons for taking action & other strategies for escaping ruts.
EDIT
If you***8217;re in any unhappy situation, it***8217;s important to remember the reasons we want to change it, both the ***8216;stick***8217; and ***8216;carrot***8217; reasons. This has mostly been focused on the ***8216;stick***8217;. Sometimes, reminding yourself of what you can***8217;t stand about your situation can motivate your to take action, it has with me in the past. Sometimes, we can forget these times when we***8217;ve been particularly pissed off, these ***8216;threshold moments***8217; and run on autopilot. I hope to to help people who are unhappily lonely find & stay in touch with reasons why they want to change.
Actions that doing this helped me take;
Identifying my sources of anxiety in social situations
Travelling
Going to meetups
Volunteering overseas
Organizing outings