[lone*star]

Originally Posted by hollowone

@ Lonestar, loneliness is a different for different people.

It manifests itself differently in different people (as does everything else, because we're all unique individuals), but I'd say, fundamentally, loneliness - if and when it appears - is pretty much the same thing for every one of us. To some extent, you could say it's part of the human condition.

Is this a way of trying to say that loneliness & disatisfaction with social life is really all just in your head and just attitude?

In a way, yes. But that 'way' is not at all obvious. In other words, life simply doesn't work the way most people think it does!

For people who're unhappily socially-isolated, spending too much time alone, feeling left out, are sick of it, feeling trapped, & are getting depressed it's possible that there's a lot of things that can affect people's motivation to take steps to improve their lot, even if they know what steps to take.

Well what you've just said (above) is a good example of what I'm talking about. Because how would someone know that they're 'unhappily socially isolated' or 'spending too much time alone' etc? Your opinion on those matters comes largely from what you've learned by watching other people socialising. But the thing is, you are not other people - you are you! So what makes you think that your life should be unfolding in exactly the same way as those other people's? What if your life is meant to unfold in a different way?

You see, life happens on its own - there's nobody in control of it. You're not working life - life is working you! On a deeper level, we could say that life is one single movement, one single energy, manifesting itself as everything we see around us, moment by moment. So in that sense, everything that is happening in life, at this very moment in time, is perfect - it's exactly as it is meant to be - in fact it couldn't be any other way. So by complaining about the way things are - by wishing things were different - all you're doing, in effect, is banging your head against a brick wall.

So all I'm saying is, having understood the above situation that we find ourselves in - that there's basically nothing you or me or anyone else can do to change things - just relax, accept what's arising in this moment, and simply go with the flow of life as it unfolds. It's basically a case of realising that life itself is in charge here - not you as a person. And once you grasp that - which admittedly, is not easy at first - you'll find it's actually quite liberating and life seems to flow more naturally and smoothly. You can just relax and let it all happen. In fact, ultimately, you realise that there's actually no "you" at all - that this whole experience is just like a dream - with each one of us playing the part of a character within it.

So you realise that your following paragraph belongs to the old way of seeing things - that it doesn't really apply any longer - at least not in the way you previously thought:

That maybe valid for those people who have loads of superficial acquaintances who're always partying all the time & who on the surface don't appear to be lonely, who's friends for all we know may not really friends at all. I don't think having genuine friends & people who care about you & people who's company you enjoy & a fulfilling social life is a comfort trap, it's fulfilling for a lot of people. But anyway, I'd love to hear more about the tangent.