[That guy]

My son is my whole world.
You know, my son is the only person whom I can look into eyes continuously and enjoy it. He is also the only person who can look into my eyes continuously and don't express fear, hatred or disgust.
He is also the only person I have ever loved.

However, I think if I could turn time back I would choose not to have children.

I love my son so much and I am getting paranoid. Almost every day while I'm at work I keep on thinking that something bad might happen to him. Are these irrational thoughts I don't know, but I'm so scared, I am nervous, sweating and my heart racing while I am trying to focus on my work.
Most of my life I felt suicidal and in some ways I was looking for a right scenario for my death. With the birth of my son it changed and now not only I don't want to die, I am really afraid to die. Just keep on thinking how my little angel would be here without me.
Sometimes I think how great that would be if my son wouldn't love me.
Then I could distance from his. But now... he always greats me when I'm back from work and he likes to cuddle and sit there in my hands and he laughs with me.