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Originally Posted by Change
Yes I've been through this. My third year at Uni was the start of my downfall of giving up. Up until then I persevered and tried lots of things. In the third year I skipped lots of lectures. I still did OK, coming out with a 2:1 but the reasons why I skipped them because of SA was the damaging problem.
I understand the snowball effect, as you isolate yourself away from the degree and you feel judged or you think you stand out like a sore thumb when you turn up having been absent for a while. People can start asking questions. This is the exact opposite of what an SA sufferer would want so we can't win in this situation.
For me, this avoidance did follow on to my work life and after a couple of failed attempts at holding down jobs I became a freelancer and worked for myself from home.
My advice - please don't give in and act now. Little steps as you suggest can make the world of difference and I'd recommend the following:
- Go to a lecture next week. Which ever one that's easiest for you. Sit at the back. Go in 20 minutes from the end or leave 20 minutes from the beginning. Do whatever you need to make it as comfortable and bearable as possible. But please go to one.
- Try to make a conscious and sustained effort to increase your confidence. Is there anything in your life that you love and makes you happy, which is also at least somewhat social? A sport, playing an instrument, concerts, helping at a homeless shelter? What ever it is, do it. And do more of it.
This is the time to bring yourself into the world instead of avoiding it and isolating yourself. And the easiest way to do that is to do the things you are already confident at and makes you happy. This is the time to start being selfish and to look after yourself. Start making yourself happy.
I realise this will not be for everyone. Some people may not have anything in their life that is social but I can only advise based on my own experience. If, back then, someone supported and encouraged me to do the things I love it may have helped and stopped me falling into isolation and depression. Work on other parts of yourself that you still have the strength for first and now, and you might be surprised the clarity and strength this gives you to battle the other areas of your life that you're struggling with.
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You are a beacon of hope for me! I realised if I work hard to achieve something and get a degree then I can finally take control and get a fresh start (silly to say but I feel this way at the moment). I will consciously take action and make the effort to go in. The fear of judgment is in my head and even if people do judge me for my absenses then so be it. I dug this hole after all.
At the moment, what makes me the happiest is my art, it's not exactly social but I do share it. Gaming is something I do enjoy and that involves talking with other players.
You are soo right though, I should be more selfish and do what makes me happy, sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.