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Originally Posted by Utopia
Yeah, I've read research that it actually makes people less happy
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I have read this too. I'm not sure though - it seems to be a grey area. There was a British professor (can't think of his name) who published a book on happiness a year or two back. I remember listening to an interview on Radio 4. He seemed very clear about most things, like work, relationships, money, etc, and the effect they have, but when it came to children he was more vague. He said it both increases and decreases happiness at the same time.
One of the big problems, he said, is the worry. You love them so much that you literally worry about them every day until you die. I am in my 40s now, so had I had a daughter in my early 20s she'd now be leaving for university, or to go backpacking around Thailand, or something. I just cannot imagine the terror I would be feeling, knowing that she's out in the world and I can no longer protect her. People would just spout the usual cliches ("got to let them go," "it's her life," "they have to make their own mistakes" etc), which wouldn't help at all.
I have read that most parents, when polled anonymously, said they found it much harder than they expected. A surprising number also said they wouldn't do it again. For sure it puts massive pressure on your marriage. In fact, the general view seems to be that most marriages don't survive. Of course, the parents often stay together, but that's not the same. All the romance and fun and sex usually go, which is hardly surprising when the house smells of excrement and disinfectant and you're both exhausted.
Actually, now I think of it, I remember reading something else on this subject. The author said it's a dark secret/taboo, but millions of women (and perhaps men) secretly regret having had kids, they just don't admit it, even to themselves. I also remember the actress Diane Morgan (Philomena Clunk) saying that several of her friends had told her having kids was/is a nightmare and not to make their mistake.