[Introspheric87]

Feeling generally rubbish. I have had social anxiety for 17 years starting from my late teens. I feel iike I am at an impasse in my life. Trying something new is pointless as I always fail at it. I am not intelligent and no one respects me at work. I am unable to compartmentalise my life, that is to say when I am feeling sad in one area if my life be it with a friend or in the workplace,it feeds into my entire being. I have only ever had three proper jobs in my life and in all of them I failed because I end up bullied and isolated from my peers because of my anxiety. I want to do well in my job so I listen to the people who train me, try to be friendly in my own way, try to ask different people for help, avoid rocking the boat and still I end up in the same situation as before. Its to the point where I don't feel normal, I feel embarrassed to be the shy loser all the time. Even when I use techniques to appear friendly and confident people can still see through it and treat me as if I'm pathetic or incapable. I notice that I have very few happy or positive days, I am always low or negative in mood. I have had so much cbt before but while I use the techniques it never lasts for long. I had intensive cbt last year and recently worked with able futures since lockdown but the breakthroughs I have are always brief. I wake up and just want to stay in bed for the rest of the day. I just have no motivation. I blame myself for the way people treat me, I should be stronger and not so soft then I would be a better person and I would not be bullied so much. People have said this to me even telling me that I would live a good life if I weren't so soft. My social anxiety has ruined my life.