[Finlay]

I know that unofficially there's the concept of taking a Mental Health Day off work (so basically a sick day that when you feel you can't face work that day, due to depression or anxiety or whatever) but right now I could do with a Mental Health Month off. I feel so overwhelmed at work, because since the New Year I've been moved jobs and I'm trying to learn a much more complicated job than I did before (for no extra pay, I should also add). I can't even talk and joke around with my one close pal in work as much anymore too, because she's in the same boat as me, and I don't want to distract her because I knew she's up to her eyes in the new job too.

I think normally I'd be able to cope if it was just this alone, but I'm already not in a good headspace, coming off the back of a rubbish 2021 with me having the two punch of my relationship ending and then my Dad getting diagnosed with a serious illness. Plus the whole enforced lack of communication with the outside world for the past 2 years (been working from home for 2 years come March) seems to have reverted me back to a hermit state, so I feel like in a particularly low ebb at the moment.

On top of all that, I've noticed that I seem to have become a beacon again for people looking for someone to vent to. I don't mean this to sound cold or horrible, but since my relationship ended I feel like life has replaced the void with random people who want to come to me for help, or advice or a place to vent or talk. I try to be nice and listen and help these people, but right now I feel like I'm not strong enough to take on their problems on top of my own. I already cancelled on a catch-up coffee with someone today because I knew that I'd probably spend most of the catch-up listening to them and trying to be shoulder to lean on. I feel like such a bad friend, but I just can't hack it the now.

I just want to hideaway for a month, and not deal with anyone apart from the reception staff at the gym (the gym is my one release from all this - thankfully recently I've found my motivation to go again). But going off sick for a month is just not realistic: my work wouldn't let me just disappear for a month, no questions asked, as I'd be getting chased every other day by work, getting asked what I'm doing to make myself better and how soon will I be back to work, and yadda yadda yadda. The thought of that alone makes me feel even more stressed for it to be worth it.

Sorry, this is just a vent again. Right now I just feel like I want to quit my job and give up any hope of a future. But I know I won't, and I'll get up tomorrow and keep going. By by god it feels particularly hard to do at the moment.