[Clockface]

I think the way my mind works affects how I remember my childhood, as I tend to remember negative experiences over positive ones.

I did receive affection off my parents but my Dad was in a very stressful job and got angry very easily when I was just subconsciously behaving like a normal child. My Mum also has SA and I subconsciously developed her behaviours, her quietness and her awkwardness around people so that I ended up with SA and low self-esteem as well. Plus my parents have issues within their extended families. They were also over protective of me and naturally I felt stifled by this, so I wanted to break free of it.

Additionally, at school it was seen as socially unacceptable by the other kids to get on well with parents so I felt as if I couldn***8217;t have a close relationship with mine without being bullied and made to feel weird. It goes without saying that I didn***8217;t make any real friends at school, only a few fake ones that came and went.

Going back to my Dad***8217;s stress at work, he behaved at extended family gatherings as if deep down they were an inconvenience to him and so from that as well I further developed a jaundiced view of family life. It came as a surprise to me once I had grown up and gone to University that people got on well with their families and it seemed I was the only who didn***8217;t.

Nearly 20 years on I am jealous of those (and it seems nearly everyone) who have close and fun relationships with their parents, siblings (I don***8217;t have any) and extended families. It particularly stings at Christmas when everyone is with their families for a few days and I am only with my parents for Christmas Day and don***8217;t get to see any of my extended family. Personally I say all families are different (a general belief I have) to try and explain my poor relationship with mine but people who are lucky enough to have said close and fun relationships with theirs don***8217;t understand my point of view.