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Originally Posted by Moksha
Now, at 42, the fear, avoidance and anxiety has massively reduced. Unfortunately, it has come too late. Yeah, it's never too late to make new friends, start a new job, have sex, etc, but it IS too late to escape my past/ my life story. And without that driving me on I can hardly be bothered to leave the house. I sort of feel that since my life has been a failure (still live at home, never had a proper job, etc) what's the point.
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You say that your fear, avoidance and anxiety has massively reduced so why let the shame you feel about suffering with poor mental health in the past stand in your way of doing things now? Isn't that just another form of avoidance?
Overcoming the worst of your anxiety and fear IS a big part of your life story and it's something to feel rather proud of surely, certainly not ashamed.
When people talk about the hardships, adversities and awful experiences that they've been through in the past no one thinks badly of them - instead most folk would think good on them for coming through all of that crap. Another SAUK member often spoke about suffering with Agoraphobia and Aspergers and not starting to properly live until he was in his 50's. I always thought that was incredibly inspirational.
Throw caution to the wind, Moksha, and travel to a place that you've always wanted to visit. Or take up a new hobby. Either you spend the rest of your life feeling ashamed or you give yourself the chance to start living.
At 52, 62, and 72...you will be kicking yourself if you've allowed shame to hold you back from doing the things that you wanted to do now. Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, you might be using your shame about the past as an excuse not to step out of your comfort zone? I do totally understand where you are coming from as I'm exactly the same. It's easier to make excuses than to risk failing again accept not even trying at all is a far greater failing as the chance of succeeding is zero.
Your life
hasn't been a failure Moksha. It's far from over yet and, besides, overcoming anxiety is a massive achievement and one that I'm nowhere close to conquering myself yet.
As for children keeping you motivated and driving you forward this only lasts for a relatively short time. Too quickly they grow up and often fly the nest. Indeed although I have a 16 year old I am less motivated than I've ever been before. As it should be, he is busy making a life of his own and I know that I need to be me again as opposed to my life revolving around being a mother. But it's an incredibly hard transition to make.
Apologies for coming across so annoyingly preachy. I really don't mind if you take everything I say with a pinch of salt
