[Blackflies]

Apologising for something you haven’t done is always a slippery slope. I think it can reinforce into someone’s mind that they were right. That said, what is important is how you made that person feel (intentionally or otherwise) and you can’t prove a feeling so there is nothing to debate. If you hurt her, you hurt her. Perhaps she is over sensitive or perhaps you too careless with your humour.

I have a history of epilepsy and it is fair for her to want to avoid stress or unnecessary drama in light of that. She may well have an “I’m right and you’re wrong” attitude as a defence to simply shut down debate that may lead to conflicting and heightened emotions. Regardless even if she was open to admitting she was wrong that you did something specific, it doesn’t really matter because it won’t change that history of her feeling hurt. Debating it will only raise the question of whether she overreacted or whether you were insensitive. The best solution really is to change the behaviour she perceives as wrong or quit trying to repair the friendship. Getting to the route of it won’t make her less sensitive in the future. She doesn’t like your humour. It’s a personality conflict. You either adapt and modify your personality to sustain drama free relations or you recognise that compromising who you are doesn’t align with your own moral compass. I imagine the latter to be true for you given you apologising for something you feel you didn’t do doesn’t sit well with you.

I don’t believe the OCD plays a part in this conversation in terms of her sensitivity but if debate and conversations about past history causes her to feel anxious it’s inevitable this will make her OCD worse and if she over exhausts herself with her obsessional thoughts and/or patterns because she’s triggered, that inevitably may lead to a seizure.

Without knowing the context of the jokes and wordings she took a dislike to, it’s not for us to say who is wrong or right but if you care about her, it’s better for the both of you to take a step back from this friendship. I don’t agree with putting guilt on someone for a seizure happening but it’s also important to respect peoples boundaries and if she’s indicating she wants space or to shut the conversation down, for whatever reason, justified or not, it’s best to walk away without the answers you seek. That is what true friendship is, knowing when to stop even when it means we have lost. Respecting her boundaries and giving her silence is probably the best way to save the friendship later. It shows you are capable of listening and adapting. When she’s ready, if she feels the friendship is salvageable she’ll reach out.